This afternoon, our driveway looked like a used-car junkyard.

Our MOPS meeting tonight went really well. There were five moms who showed up tonight. I am hoping for more moms to come in the future, but right now I am really happy with our little group. I also recently joined a Bible study that meets on Wednesday mornings. Our first real meeting is tomorrow - I'm hoping to learn and grow there as well.

I am afraid that Aliah is coming down with something. She has been vomiting/spitting up all of her milk, and she has had 3 diarrhea-like diapers today (although it might have been because of the avocado that she ate for dinner last night?). No fever right now, but we'll be keeping a close eye on her.

Mike spent 10 or 12 hours trying to fix our vehicles today. It took him quite awhile to figure out exactly how to change the brakes on the minivan. For awhile this afternoon, our driveway looked like a used-car junkyard. But he ultimately did a great job. Then he had to replace the starter and the battery in his old Chevy Lumina (which probably isn't worth more than $300, but he loves that broken old car!). Too bad we had to go into debt in order to make those much-needed repairs. All 3 vehicles need to be inspected really soon. And taxes paid, and registration fees.... oh, how I hate money!

It's only been 4 days since Mike last worked (10 more vacation days to go!), and already he is getting antsy and impatient being at home. Only two more days until we get another paycheck... I think we'll make it. Because ---

GOD is providing for all of our needs!

random things

Eleven days ago, Baby Amber went to Heaven.
She was going to be five months old today.
I sent her parents another card this morning, just to let them know that I'm still thinking of them and praying for them.




In other news...

Today was Day 3 of Aliah eating baby cereal. She makes squealing noises, chews on the spoon, and sucks the food into her mouth. She's becoming really good at sitting up on her own. Hannah's new favorite things to do with her baby sister are taking a bath together and playing peekaboo.

Our exciting event of the day was going to our new local Walmart's grand opening. It really wasn't so special, and I spent more money than I should have for the week.

We're babysitting for eight hours tomorrow and it's gearing up to be a very long, tiring, HOT day.

On Friday I am hosting a MOPS craft night so that the kids can make some Father's Day gifts.

I just discovered the site wishuponahero.com and it seems like a neat way to help people who really need it!

Our days are filled with family, friends, and fun.

Lots of stuff going on. You know, the usual:
Babysitting, playdates, plenty of playgrounds, field trips to the library, museum, petting zoo, ect. Walks around the neighborhood, bike riding, hiking through the trails at the park, splashing in the river. Trying not to get sunburned. Teaching Hannah how to roller-skate.

We made a new mommy-friend today! Awesome. I think she really needs a place like MOPS, to get a few hours away from the kids and have adult conversations once in a while. I gave her all my contact info and we made plans to meet again next week. I really hope she follows through.

Tomorrow: Playdate with MOPS. Picking strawberries at a local farm. Potluck dinner with MOPS friends from church.

We just survived a week (4 days, actually) with Granny. It went exceptionally well! I honestly would not mind having her come back in the future! I was amazed that we all got along so well!

Mike and I get to celebrate our wedding anniversary this weekend. Can you believe that we got married six years ago? SIX?! My goodness, it doesn't seem like it's been that long already!

Planning a week vacation from May 29-June 5th. Aliah will get to see all her grandparents, and even meet some relatives for the first time. This girl is HUGE, she's now wearing size 9-12 month clothes!!! She is still wanting to eat 3-4 hours all the time around the clock - I feel like every week she goes through another growth spurt. Hannah is still a very loving, devoted, generous older sister for this baby. Aliah found her toes/feet the other day, smiles at another who will pay attention to her, laughs hysterically at peekaboo, and is beginning to try to sit up on her own. She'll be 5 months old next week! Eeeeek!

Why can't time stand still for just a little while?

Nice weather

The weather is BEAUTIFUL today!!!
I made Hannah run around outside for most of the afternoon.

Today I got portraits taken of both girls! It was fun! We did some individual shots and some together ones. The ones of just Aliah were not so good. I guess she didn't want to smile for strangers, only for me.

This week, I have to make a decision about leading the MOPS group for next school year. I have been praying and thinking about it a lot and Im still not sure what I should do...

One of my MOPS friends had a new baby boy on Wednesday! (She has also suffered through two miscarriages.) Praise God for a healthy baby! :)

3 weeks old tomorrow.

Havent been online this week because 1) Mike has been monopolizing the computer, and 2) we caught a virus and had to wipe clean the entire hard drive, and 3) Im simply too tired.

Aliah is doing fine. Our miracle baby is still growing like crazy! On Monday she weighed 9lbs 3.5 oz, and by Thursday she was 9 lbs 12 oz! She'll be hitting ten pounds any day now!

Hannah has been a handful these last 2.5 weeks. One minute shes a perfect angel, very helpful and compliant. But watch out, the next minute she could be screaming her head off, throwing toys and hitting/kicking everything within reach. This also creates a lot of mommy-guilt for me. I really really hate seeing her so sad! Bedtime is the worst.

My MOPS friends have been a huge help! They've brought us dinner all this week and have lined up to bring more meals next week too! It has been SUCH a relief to not have to cook when Im sleep-deprived, running on 3 or 4 hours of sleep, and nursing a newborn around the clock. What a neat blessing!

Mike has one more week until he has to return to work. Im really afraid of how I will cope everyday when he is back to working twelve hours shifts all the time. I am at high risk for developing PPD. Fortunately my in-laws and my own parents will be visiting at the end of the month, so I will have a few extra hands. Still, I am worried....

31 weeks.

At 31 weeks pregnant, I have gained about 25 lbs total. Im really happy with that - especially since my diet has not been so good lately, with all the vacations we've been taking. I am hoping to keep it around 30-35 lbs altogether, so that means I'm still on target. My bp is still amazingly low, which is WONDERFUL news, especially with my history of pre-eclampsia. Everything is going great! Im just so thankful for our good health!

Had another ultrasound on Wednesday, and it was amazing! Saw & Heard the heartbeat (which has been a steady 150 bpm throughout the pregnancy). Even got some great head/face/profile shots, in 3d! And our New Baby has hair - peach-fuzz kind of hair, but still, I saw it! The u/s tech was really nice. She said "Believe me, not all babies are this cute and cooperative!" Baby is measuring 1.5-2 weeks bigger than average. At 31 weeks s/he is 4.5 lbs already! :) So, this one will certainly be bigger than Hannah, but Im sure I can handle it.

Everyone is convinced that this baby is a boy, but we still don't know the gender. Hannah still wants a baby sister. But we just don't know yet. It's our Christmas surprise :) Funny, it seems like everyone we know is having boy babies right now. Is this some sort of bizzare 2008-09 trend?

I wish our scanner was working, so I could share some pics. I don't know why it's not working! Everytime I plug it in, I get a weird error message. Oh well. One of these days I'll get around to copying all the ultrasound pictures.

---

Last night I hosted a Craft Night at church. It was just me and Melissa and Hannah who showed up, but we still had fun. I completed the first four pages of my pregnancy scrapbook. Now I need to print hundreds more pictures of our beach trip, and our family trip last week, and some belly shots of me for the other pages.



This morning I attended the southern MOPS group, and helped make crafts for a Christmas fundraiser they are doing next month. It was nice to see all those moms again. I feel like I need more of a social life, outside of Hannah and our babysitting/playdates. It makes me sad that so many of my friends live far away...!

28 weeks.

Still not sleeping well this week. Im averaging 4-5 hours a night. I don't know why! I'm not really complaining though, I feel fine - just lazy. I did have some terrible nightmares on Tuesday night: vivid, gruesome car accident scenes. Yuck.
This afternoon Hannah and I "took a rest" (she is allergic to the word "nap") and fell asleep in the master bedroom for an hour. That was really nice.


Poor Mike just started another grueling round of work - he will work 14 days straight before he gets any more time off. I guess that makes up for the ten days that he had off in a row during our beach trip. The good news is that we get to spend a week in PA/MD when his awful work rotation are over!


So, my doctors appointment went really well... other than waiting an hour to see a midwife. It has never taken so long before. (Also, I didnt exactly appreciate sitting in the waiting room for an hour and half with a three year old! That was a waste of time. She was completely well-behaved, just restless.) My blood pressure is nice and low, the same thing it's been for the last six months, which is wonderful. No pre-eclampsia worries yet!
I did my gestational diabetes test, and had a whole list of bloodtests done too. They should have the results on Monday. I'm not too worried though :) I feel just fine! I keep thinking about how blessed I am, to have a healthy pregnancy. Now that I've made it to 28 weeks, I feel like I've passed a HUGE milestone, and that this time, it will actually have a happy ending. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself, to think that we will actually get a healthy new baby out of it! Some days that is easier said than done.


It's been six months since I stopped taking anti-depressants, and every once in a while I can feel those dark emotions trying to creep in. I pray that PPD won't be an issue this time, either. My thyroid levels have been fine. Just another thing to watch for.


I am looking forward to playing with some MOPS friends tomorrow. Our little group is doing well. (Thank You, God!) We did a creative, introspective bonding activity on Tuesday night, about the road maps of our lives. It was really neat. I am very much looking forward to getting to know these moms and their families better!
On Saturday we are going to a craft/scrapbook party (Hannah's coming too, she LOVES crafts), then going to see the movie "Fireproof" with friends from church!

Have a good weekend!

MOPS

We had our first MOPS meeting tonight. THREE New moms! I was very pleased and super-excited to make new friends. They all said they were incredibly grateful for the fellowship, and the chance to have some adult conversation.

Thank you Lord, for this great opportunity to reach families with young children.

Now I am exhausted, and after I take a shower, Im going to fall into bed.

Sept 11. Mom visiting.

When we left our house on Sept 11th, the radio announced a "moment of silence" and we noticed all the flags flying at half-mast. Hannah was curious. So this is how I explained September 11th to my three year old: "Today we are remembering something sad that happened a long time ago, before you were born."
That's was the best way I could think of telling her without getting too political or detailed. I'm sure that as Hannah gets older, she will understand more, and have more questions. But I think that is sufficient for now.

Thursday was a looong day, I was running on just four hours of sleep, and we were babysitting for almost ten hours. Then Mike left his wallet at home, and at 7pm, when we were exhausted and hadnt even eaten dinner yet, we had to drive out to the ambulance base and deliver it to him. Then my mother drove down from Maryland, and got to our house just as we finished dinner.... at 9pm. Ugh.
I was so wiped out. I was just so drained that all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and cry until I fell asleep. But moms don't get to do things like that until everything else is finished and the kids are asleep.

We are having so much fun with YoMa here!

Tomorrow we have nursery duty at church, then lunch and a planning meeting for Awana, which starts next week. My MOPS group starts on Tuesday; I'm excited because I know that I wont be the only one there this time! Yay! Thank You God for mommy friends!

Nicole

Life is Good.

I woke up extra early this morning to help a friend move into their new house.
Now the pastor and his family are all moved in, just 2 miles away from us.
I joked that we were coming over for dinner tomorrow. He joked right back: "Yeah, and you can sit on a box. But whichever box you get, you have to open it and unpack it for us!" Hah.

Also had a MOPS meeting today. It was good to see those women again. My friend Joanna, who has suffered through 2 miscarriages since January, is now pregnant for the third time this year. But an ultrasound last week showed a healthy baby in there! She just hit 13 weeks and is now starting to tell everyone the good news. HOORAY! Thank you God!!!

Nine more days until my next doctor's appointment! It won't be anything special, just check vitals and listen to the heartbeat - but it's nice to know that everything is progressing well. And after that, next Wednesday, Aug 27th, I have another ultrasound at the hospital, to see if the baby's brain cyst has cleared up yet.
I keep having dreams that this baby will be a boy, but I have no clue. I mean, it's a fifty/fifty chance... who knows?

MIL and my mom's bdays are both next week. I wonder what we should send them?

Have a good weekend!

Nicole

12 weeks. Updates. Pictures.

Sorry it's been a whole week since Ive posted. The last few times I've logged on to Blogger, I kept getting error messages. Frustrating!

As of Wednesday, I am twelve weeks pregnant!
Here are some tummy pictures:

Can you tell that I had to snap the pictures myself? That's why they are a little blurry and out of focus. That's ok, you get the idea.

I want to find a shirt that says "Im not fat... Im just pregnant." I have now officially graduated from button-fly jeans and patns, to elastic-waist and drawstring pants. My largest pair of jean shorts doesnt quite button anymore. Oh well!But Im not big enough for maternity clothes, not quite yet (even though I can't wait to wear them!).


Today, we spent the morning playing with some MOPS friends, and did a little shopping. I've had a very hard time finding size 7 1/2 sandals for Hannah. We finally got some for $15 at Rack Room Shoes. (We'd been through so many stores, and by that time, we just wanted to be done!) She already has two different pairs of purple Cros, but one pair is too small, and the other pair is just a little too big, so they fall off her feet. She's growing out of all her clothes and shoes so fast lately!!! Last week I got 3t-4t summer clothes out of the attic for her, and all the 3t dresses are too short! They barely cover her behind! What happened to my tiny little girl?! She's getting really tall.


Sad News: I found out today that a friend recently had her second miscarriage. I've been praying for her for months, since she started TTCing last year. It's nice to know that God has given her peace about the loss, but Im just so sad for her right now! I think it helped her, just to talk with someone who understands.


We also met a new friend, who recently had her last baby and is trying to get rid of her maternity clothes. Win-win! Her daughter was born exactly the same day as Hannah! I invited them to MOPS, and we exchanged phone numbers. I hope we can stay in touch.


Tomorrow we are going to a church picnic, which will be lots of fun.
Then Sunday is FATHER'S DAY!
Have a great weekend :)

I made acquaintance with a fellow mom who works for our local paper, and she wrote a nice little MOPS article for me! You can read it at http://www.trianglemom2mom.com/content/mothers-preschoolers

TODAY: We went to the library and played with our new friends (the pastor's family) this morning, and ate lunch with them too. It's really nice to have another mom to talk to. I need more local friends! I love all of my friends, of course, it's just not the same when they live so far away.

Then we spent 3.5 hours babysitting, in which time Hannah had TWO accidents. Why does she ignore the potty urge when she is too busy playing? It drives me CRAZY! I really thought she was past this by now.

But, while we were babysitting, Mike did an amazing job of cleaning up around the house. The kitchen looks spotless! I wish he'd do that more often! Still, I'm very grateful for everything he did today. Washing dishes is about the last thing on my mind right now.

Now I am getting an hour and a half TO MYSELF! Mike took Hannah out for a few hours. He's getting cabin fever. He always dos this during his week off. I've been feeling sick to my stomach today, so I didnt stop them from going without me! :)

I am really relishing this time just sitting on the couch and doing nothing. Ahhhh...

Im scared. Please pray. New friend?

Im having some brownish spotting today.
Not much, but just enough to have me scared.
The midwife on call said that this is "normal", because of the uterus and other things stretching and growing in there. And that as long as it doesn't turn red, I should be totally fine. She said "Have a great weekend, and try not to worry!"
Still, I am SCARED! Please pray that everything continues to go well for me and this pregnancy. I really don't know if I can mentally or emotionally handle another loss.

This morning we had a playdate with some of our MOPS friends, and we ended up staying at the playgroun until 2pm! I got to share my lunch and witness to a new mommy! (I dont know where she stands spiritually, but I got to share my testimony with her, and we got to know more about each other.) I also invited her to our next MOPS playdate, and even got her phone number, so we can stay in touch! That was really neat.

Hannah is "taking a rest", reading books to her baby dolls in her new big bed. She needs some downtime after 3 hours of running on the playground!
Her ballet class starts in less than an hour, and I have to fold laundry and clean up in the kitchen before we leave. And find her dance clothes....

What I'd really like to do is curl up on the couch and cry, but I guess that will wait until later tonight. I've been on a huge emotionally draining roller coaster, I've been irritable and moody with everyone close to me, and I've been extra-hungry this week.

PS: Our five year wedding anniversary is tomorrow. To celebrate, I'm going to chop off all my hair! Then maybe Mike will take us out for a nice yummy dinner.

Surprise Reactions.

Hannah and I went on a long road trip this weekend. Here is a summary:

On Friday morning, we went to a really nice MOPS tea. All the moms made such yummy treats to eat! And even though I was reluctant to drink tea (I just don't like hot flavored water, sorry!), it wasn't too bad with lots of sugar in it.
After I read my speech, I don't think there was a dry eye in the entire room. It was am amazing experience. Then my friend JoAnna summed up the entire year beautifully, with her message about the fruits of the spirit, and being content with whatever God gives you.

We stayed overnight in Maryland. I announced my pregnancy by telling my mother "Oh by the way, we won't be able to visit for Christmas this year, because.... I'm due to have a baby on Christmas Eve!"
And do you know what her reaction was?
"OH NO, I hope you dont have another KYLA!!!"
(Kyla is my crazy/sweet/oddball sister; she was born on Christmas Eve in 1985.)

Saturday, we drove to PA. Had dinner with the in-laws. Hannah bonded with her great grandpap and uncles, while I introducted my MIL to the world of scrapbooking. She is now addicted!

Sunday was Mother's Day. After church, my FIL took us out for brunch. It was so yummy! I ate everything on my plate, and half of Hannah's blueberry pancakes! Then we visited some friends, took a nap in the afternoon, and let Hannah play in the hot tub before dinner.

I got to tell Mike's parents about my pregnancy too. My MIL was so overjoyed that she was practically weeping. She said "I've been hoping you would tell me that for months; I'm so happy for you!"

The only really bad part of our trip happened on Sunday night, when I smashed my finger in the door. It hurt SO MUCH, and I felt really embarrassed that I'd hurt myself like that in front of Hannah and all of Mike's family. My finger is very bruised and purple and sore, but thankfully not broken.

We spent Monday and Tuesday with our friends in Pittsburgh! We got to meet Ally's new baby boy, play with Aaron, one of Hannah's best friends, and just hang out and relax. On Tuesday afternoon we met up with some more college friends and their babies. The kids had so much fun together! I wish we could see them more often.

Wednesday, we left for home at 9:45am, and got to Durham exactly nine hours later. Not bad, especially since we took more than several potty breaks, and spent 30 mins at a West Virginia state park, to get some exercise.
If gas prices weren't so high, I'd love to do it all over again next month.

Mike really outdid himself while we were gone. He acted like he was just so tired and busy from work that he couldn't possibly bring himself to do anything around the house. But he fooled us!

The first thing that we saw when we parked our car in the driveway, was a brand-new swingset in the backyard! SURPRISE! Hannah was so thrilled that it took me an hour just to get her inside! And waiting in her room was her brand new big girl bed, complete with the sprakly purple butterfly bedding that has been hiding in her closet for over a month! No more baby crib for this girl!

For me, he cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the floors, vaccumed the whole house, washed all our sheets and towels and dirt dishes... He also got me fiften roses! One dozen, plus three more for each year that I've been a mother. So sweet.

Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day!

And again, thank you all so much for your prayers!
They really mean a lot to me.

Speech Tomorrow. Read and Reply!

This is the speech I am giving to all of my Durham MOPS friends tomorrow morning.
Tell me what you think. Is it too much?


SMALL MIRACLES:

Some of the most difficult questions for me to answer are: “How many children do you have?” and “oh, is she your only one?” or “when are you going to have more?” At first these might seem like innocent questions, appropriate for all mothers of preschoolers.

Well, some of you may or may not know that I have struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss. You wouldn’t know it by looking at me. It’s not something with physical scars, that show on the outside. It’s not an easy subject to talk about. But this morning I am going to tell my story, with the hope that God can use me and my experiences to strengthen and encourage you. And please excuse me if I get emotional and start to cry!

Last year, in February 2007, the week that my daughter Hannah turned three years old, I discovered I was pregnant again. My husband Mike and I were so excited! We immediately told our parents, and our siblings, Hannah’s aunts and uncles.
But about 3 weeks after that positive pregnancy test, on a Sunday morning in March, I began bleeding heavily.
We were completely devastated.
I never imagined, not even in my worst nightmares, that this could happen to me. I felt so isolated and alone. I didn’t know how to tell family and friends what had taken place – partly because I was in denial for a little while. I just wanted to sit alone in the dark, under the blankets, and mourn.
I thought: Why would this pregnancy be taken away from me, when we wanted it so badly? I got angry. I questioned God’s plans and His purposes. It just wasn’t fair. Why me? Why do bad things like this happen to good people (like me)? Did I do something wrong? Do I deserve this somehow? I wrestled with guilt and fear.

Miscarriage and pregnancy loss are not easy subjects to bring up, and are not talked about very much. Many women suffer along in silence. But I was surprised to find out how often it happens (about one in five pregnancies end in miscarriage, maybe more, since early losses aren’t always reported).
As I began to open up and share my burden, women from my neighborhood, my church, even my own family, admitted that they had suffered private losses too.
I realized that maybe I was not alone after all.

Life moved on that spring, whether I wanted it to or not. Exactly three months after my first loss, I found out that I was pregnant again. But we barely had time to process the news. Just a few days later, my third pregnancy ended at five weeks. My doctor called it a “chemical pregnancy”. It was Father’s Day weekend. How ironic. I felt so sad and bitter, and afraid. I drove home to be with my family in Maryland, to get away for a little while.

The following week, one of my closest friends, Esther, gave birth to her son. She had asked me to be there, to come to the hospital when he was born. I stayed with her all day.
But I was unsure how I would react, if I would be able to be emotionally supportive, Thankfully, I was not jealous. I was not uncomfortable. I was genuinely calm and happy to be there, joyfully supporting my friend and celebrating her new baby.
God gave me the grace and the strength I needed to be there for Esther.

(Her son Ezra is truly a gift from God. During her pregnancy, an ultrasound showed that Ezra had clubbed feet. For months and months we prayed so hard for that little baby, and God answered our prayers. Ezra was born with just one mildly clubbed foot, not two, as the doctors thought.)

At a joyful time, when many of my friends were experiencing the joys of pregnancy and new motherhood, I was experiencing great loss and sadness.
I was so emotionally fragile that summer.
I began to think that Hannah might be my only child.
I started losing hope, and slipping into depression.
Barriers were created between my husband and me.
We had to work hard to keep our marriage on the right track.

But through these trials, God listened, and he was patience and faithful to me, despite how I might have felt towards him. I was amazed at how much comfort He could bring to my grieving soul. He made me stronger; He strengthened my faith. He carried me through, even when I thought I might not be able to go on.

And most amazing of all, He created opportunities to share my story with others, to begin to reach out and comfort and minister to women who had experienced similar losses. I realized that I could be an encouragement to them! And through that outreach effort, I myself began the healing process. I’ve even started writing a book about my experience, hoping that I can help more women by telling my story.

Six months after my second loss, in December 2007, I became pregnant again. We couldn’t wait to announce the happy news to our families when we visited them at Christmastime. But it didn’t quite get that far. The pregnancy ended at six weeks, just two days before Christmas. Again, I was filled with sadness and grief.

Three miscarriages in nine months: How horrible! What was going on with my body?
I just felt so empty and heartbroken. And deep down, I knew that something just wasn’t right.

In January of this year, I visited with a new doctor, who discovered that I have a thyroid problem. He told me that this could be the cause of my infertility and early pregnancy losses. I felt so much relief, that now there was a name and a solution for my problem. There was hope!

Last year was one of the most trying times in my life. My faith was severely tested and my beliefs were shaken. But I know that God does all things for the good of those who love Him. Even when we don’t understand His ways, He can turn the saddest of circumstances into a triumphant, golden opportunity of love and grace. And He has been pushing me out of my comfort zone, stretching me to new heights, and helping me to become more confident in who I am. Even though I am a sinner, and I am still a work in progress.

Now, it is spring again.
I can barely believe it, but it has been over a year since my first miscarriage.
I feel like I have come around in a full circle.
I know that God is not finished with me yet, because He is faithful.
Once again, he has answered my prayers, because I am pregnant again.
God has blessed us with a tiny miracle, that is due to arrive in December. I can’t think of a better Christmas present, or a better way to be a vessel and an example of Jesus’ love.

Please pray with me.

Thank you, dear God, for the many blessings that you have given to each one of us. Thank you for your love, your grace, your mercy and salvation. Thank you for turning our trials into triumphs. And thank you that you are the wonderful Creator and the giver of everlasting life.

Amen.

Today was...

Today was a GOOD day! :)

Got to talk with Esther for 30 mins this morning! We hadn't spoken since they left on Sunday night. Both boys are doing well in the car, no one has gotten hurt or pulled out their hair yet, and Ezra got his first tooth yesterday!!!
Esther said that today it is SNOWING in Idaho and Wyoming - It's May, quit snowing already, for pete's sake!

After lunch, we were babysitting for 4-5 hours. The kids played outside the whole time. I struggled and fought with them to put sunscreen on, but other than that, they were just really fun, having a blast, very well-behaved. All 3 of them ran through the sprinkler and got wet & muddy. I took some really neat pictures. So cute! Then we played hide-n-seek. The five-year-old found some really good places to hide. Once he was under the car, so far that I couldnt see him, and Hannah had to point him out to me!

Still haven't told The Mom (my "boss") that I am pregnant. This afternoon, one of her best friends came over to talk about her pregnancy - the friend is due exactly one month before me! I didnt want to step on her toes, since I don't know the friend very well, so I didnt say anything about myself.

I am waiting until Mother's Day weekend to tell our parents the big news. I'll be about 8 weeks by then. Last year, I never made it past seven weeks, so that will be a big milestone for me.

If you are wondering, my book is about my TTC and infertilty/miscarriage experiences.

No other moms came to the MOPS meeting this week. I'm getting really discouraged. I've been praying and asking God to lead me, and guide me in the right direction - I'm just really confused as to where I should go from here. Should I keep pressing on? Should I renew our MOPS membership for the fall, even though we have no members?! Should I give up on this new group, and lead an already-established group that is farther from home? Should I look for a new church? Am I missing something, or doing anything wrong? Should I just wait and see? I don't know!

I've been wrestling with this for about a month, and I still don't know.
I think sometimes I really need to work on being quiet and still, and just trusting in God.

Lacie and Krissy and Ally, and whoever else is interceding to God on my behalf: THANK YOU! I can feel your prayers!

Tired & Moody

Ever since I suspected that I might be pregnant, I have wanted absolutely nothing to do with my poor husband. Every time he touches me, for some reason I cringe. And I've been really crabby and short-tempered with him too. Not such a good wife.

I apologized yesterday, and again today, and he joked as if he hadn't noticed. YEAH RIGHT!

Last night I was out babysitting until midnight. I think I fell asleep around 1 am?
I got up around 7:45 am, ate granola and a banana, dressed and left the house by 8:15. We had a MOPS steering meeting from 8:30-11am. Everyone else was late (they showed up at 9!), so I cleaned out the backseat of my car, then read a book until someone else came to unlock the chuch doors.
The meeting went pretty well. We planned some fun activities for the next 6 months, but had a hard time making any kind of decisions. (I find that happens with every women's group Ive ever been in. We females tend to be too agreeable and indecisive in large groups.)

Hannah had a nice morning with her Daddy. I came home, ate lunch, and got ready for a pirate-themed birthday party.
I felt kind of silly being the only person over 8 years old who put on any kind of pirate accessories. I braided my hair, wore a balck eyepatch, a red bandana, a black pirate hat, and painted a silly mustache onto my face. Hannah told me that I looked a little scary! It was fun, though exhausting, to help keep watch over two little girls and 12 or 13 five-year-old boys with swords. I know they had a blast - though the two girls were obviously less impressed.

We got home after 5pm, and Hannah and I crashed into bed! We both took two hours naps! (Why does that only ever happen on weekends?!) When we woke up, we ate dinner, played some more with Daddy, took a bath and did the whole bedtime routine. I let Hannah stay up until 10pm, since she took such a late, long nap. She still fell asleep again, right away!

I keep thanking God constantly for this little miracle growing inside me, and praying that this pregnancy will continue to go well. No morning sickness yet!
I am waiting until I get past 8 weeks to tell everyone in Real Life. I almost spilled to my mom yesterday - but if Mom knows, then the whole family will know. And I'm just not quite ready for that yet. I'm really looking forward to going to my sister's wedding in July, and being four months pregnant! I'll just show up and surprise the rest of my aunts & uncles.

Tomorrow wil be Esther and her family's last day with us.
We'll really miss them! It's hard for me to envision them not being close by.
I hope we can still stay in contact often. Idaho is far, but it's only a phone call away.

Jonah's birthday

This morning we played with Baby Ezra. His newest tricks are clapping his hands, and crawling around the house. He's working on his first tooth, so he's been kind of grumpy.
We went to Jonah's 5 year old birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese. Ate pizza for dinner. I think I had more fun playing the games than Hannah did, seeing that she didn't even understand most of them, even though she kept pressing all the buttons. We turned in our tickets for tootsie roll pops, then went to MOPS.

No new moms came to our meeting - but two of the MOPS Area Coordinators did! They were so incredibly encouraging and supportive! They gave me a huge bag full of ministry resources, leaderships books and dvds, MOPS doorprizes like pens and notepads, ect. I cannot wait to use them all!!!!

I felt so blessed that they visited and shared ideas with us. It was a great time.
I hope that Esther can find a fitting leadership role when she moves to Idaho, because I'm sure her head is as full of good ideas as mine is!

I truly felt God's presence with us at that meeting tonight. Lightheaded, dizzying love and peace and calm, an almost indescribable holy feeling, that could only come from the Holy Spirit.

I can't wait to see how God works in our lives in the days and weeks and months to come!

MOPS Conference.

Today, Mom took Hannah to the hot spots in town: the movies (she didn't like the scary bird in "Horton Hears a Who"), the mall, rode the carousel and jumped in the moonbounce, ate ice cream after lunch, and quite a few other little adventures.

I am so thankful that Mom could be here this weekend, because it allowed me (and Esther) to go to the MOPS Ledership Conference in Raleigh! I was pleasantly surprised that, after picking up Esther, it only took THIRTY MINUTES for us to the get there! I thought it would be an hour. I guess there's no traffic at 8am on Saturday mornings?!


It was really refreshing and uplifting to spend the day with so many other area moms.
It was an amazing time of learning, fellowship, brainstorming and networking. I loved it! I got some new outreach ideas for my group, that I can't wait to implement. Plus I got to meet our new area coordinator, and my new blog-friend Heather :) Gigantic, yummy burritos and chips were donated by Chipotle, plus they had all kinds of other delicious snacks and brownies and good stuff.
Another bonus: I have never won anything before, but today I got a doorprize! 5 new Bibles and 5 bible study books that I can't wait to use at church!!!


Esther & family are moving in two weeks, so I've been trying to spend plenty of time with them before they go. Today was lots of quality time in the car together :) I Know I will miss things like that next month.
Her oldest son will be FIVE on Monday! He's getting so big, he's such a smart kid too. I'm sad that they are leaving, of course, but I know that Idaho is where God wants them to be right now. Their new job sounds like the perfect fit.

And now, I Have to try to remedy my closet situation.... Yesterday my closet shelves and clothes rack broke. It has now exploded all over our bedroom, leaving me no place to sleep! Where am I going to put all these clothes and boxes?! Our attic door broke last week, too!

COME HOME, Handy Husband! Please come home tomorrow and help me fix this mess!

Great Day!

We had a fun day.
It was perfect weather; it was actually very warm at our house!
Hannah and I even got pink noses and cheeks this afternon.
Got up early and dragged my mom and Hannah to a MOPS meeting. We talked about disclipline issues, vacations, and tips for traveling on long trips with toddlers. We also made really pretty bracelets at MOPS - they inspired me to buy more beads soon, so that I can keep playing with my new jewelry-making tools!

We met Mike for lunch at a new restaurant downtown (I didnt like the food too much, but hey, it was worth a try), and got some souvenirs for Mom in a few of the local shops. I would have loved to spend more time there, but we had to move on and go to Hannah's ballet class. She was such a cute little ballerina today! She did a great job dancing and learning new ballet positions, and she didnt even cry when I left the room. I'm so proud of her, of her independence.

When we got home from ballet, Hannah voluntarily put herself in bed!
While she was resting, mom and I worked on a sewing project that I've ben meaning to do for a loooong time. It finally got done today!
When Hannah got up, we ate dinner and she took a bath.

Somewhere in there, I also did 2 loads of laundry. Except, I couldn't really put it away properly, because somehow, in the middle of the night, my closet broke! We didn't hear a thing, but when I got up this morning, the metal rod was hanging halfway down to the floor, two of the bolts in the middle of the closet were completely missing, and all my clothes were heading towards a gigantic pile at the bottom of my closet. And one of the closet doors is broken as well.
Good luck fixing that one, Mike!

Ok so, after dinner, we let Hannah stay up late and watch 30 mins of a movie. Last week we started going through our home videos, and tonight we got all the way up to Christmas 2005. Hannah loves seeing and hearing the things she did when she was younger. She's constantly reminding us that she is not a baby anymore, but a big kid!
She has been accidnet-free this week!!!

Tomorrow I get to spend the whole day with ESTHER! I just packed up my essentials and took a shower. I'm all ready, I just have to roll out of bed and get in the car!