Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Time is fleeting

I've had so many things to say over the last couple days, but not enough time to write them all down.

I feel like every moment, every hour I have, is so precious - but so much of it ends up wasted on mundane tasks, like dishes and laundry and errands. I wish that I could spend my time more wisely, more productively.

Yesterday was the first time that I felt some morning sickness. And I was craving pickles last night. The only time I EVER want to eat pickles is when I'm pregnant. I had to settle for relish though - no pickles in our house yet. I haven't had that craving since last February.

Last night I was so very tired. I was laying down on the couch; Hannah was sitting at my feet, playing with a wooden alphabet puzzle. (She's such a good girl!) Next thing I know, I fell asleep on the couch at 9pm. Then I crawled into bed. Mike had to put Hannah to bed at 9:30, because I was too exhausted. I slept TEN HOURS! I didnt get up until 7am!

Today I am six weeks pregnant - according to my own calculations. I still have to wait at least 2 more weeks for a real ob appointment. And even then, at eight weeks pregnant, they won't tell me very much. Oh well, I'll take whatever I can get.

And in the meantime, I'll keep praying and trusting God, and keep writing my book.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Tired & Moody

Ever since I suspected that I might be pregnant, I have wanted absolutely nothing to do with my poor husband. Every time he touches me, for some reason I cringe. And I've been really crabby and short-tempered with him too. Not such a good wife.

I apologized yesterday, and again today, and he joked as if he hadn't noticed. YEAH RIGHT!

Last night I was out babysitting until midnight. I think I fell asleep around 1 am?
I got up around 7:45 am, ate granola and a banana, dressed and left the house by 8:15. We had a MOPS steering meeting from 8:30-11am. Everyone else was late (they showed up at 9!), so I cleaned out the backseat of my car, then read a book until someone else came to unlock the chuch doors.
The meeting went pretty well. We planned some fun activities for the next 6 months, but had a hard time making any kind of decisions. (I find that happens with every women's group Ive ever been in. We females tend to be too agreeable and indecisive in large groups.)

Hannah had a nice morning with her Daddy. I came home, ate lunch, and got ready for a pirate-themed birthday party.
I felt kind of silly being the only person over 8 years old who put on any kind of pirate accessories. I braided my hair, wore a balck eyepatch, a red bandana, a black pirate hat, and painted a silly mustache onto my face. Hannah told me that I looked a little scary! It was fun, though exhausting, to help keep watch over two little girls and 12 or 13 five-year-old boys with swords. I know they had a blast - though the two girls were obviously less impressed.

We got home after 5pm, and Hannah and I crashed into bed! We both took two hours naps! (Why does that only ever happen on weekends?!) When we woke up, we ate dinner, played some more with Daddy, took a bath and did the whole bedtime routine. I let Hannah stay up until 10pm, since she took such a late, long nap. She still fell asleep again, right away!

I keep thanking God constantly for this little miracle growing inside me, and praying that this pregnancy will continue to go well. No morning sickness yet!
I am waiting until I get past 8 weeks to tell everyone in Real Life. I almost spilled to my mom yesterday - but if Mom knows, then the whole family will know. And I'm just not quite ready for that yet. I'm really looking forward to going to my sister's wedding in July, and being four months pregnant! I'll just show up and surprise the rest of my aunts & uncles.

Tomorrow wil be Esther and her family's last day with us.
We'll really miss them! It's hard for me to envision them not being close by.
I hope we can still stay in contact often. Idaho is far, but it's only a phone call away.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

good news

Yesterday I had to get my second blood test done. I ended up going to the doctor's office with three preschoolers who are 3, 3, and 5 years old. They asked hundreds of repetitive questions, but they waited really patiently. And they kept the nurses laughing! They really were incredibly well-behaved, so I bought them a yummy snack on our way home.
If only their mom knew that they were watching me get my blood draw yeseterday! I have to think of a really neat way to tell her. But I've got to hurry up, because the last 3 times, she guessed I was pregnant before I even got the chance to say anything! I think I will tell her on Saturday, either right before or right after the birthday party.

The nurse called this morning with my lab results. On Monday my HCG was 1220, and by Wednesday it had gone up 2.5 times, to over 2800!!! HOORAY! Praise God! We have a live pregnancy in there!

After learning that, I am feeling much more calm and confident about the whole thing. Now I have to wait about 3 more weeks for a real ob apointment though. After that, we will start telling everyone.
Patience is a virtue, but not one of mine.

We have a busy weekend ahead.

Take care.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Good times.

The laughter of children has to be my most favorite and cherished sound, ever.

A baby (Ezra) and a toddler (Hannah), playing happily together.
What could be sweeter than that?

For an hour today, we were all very happy. Even though my blue sweatshirt was covered in sticky bubbles and wet baby drool, I didn't care. The kids were laughing and smiling and clapping their hands, just simply enjoying the fact that we were playing outside.

Hannah is such a wonderful Mommy's Little Helper. It's so cute! Sometimes it's annoying that she has to help with absolutely everything, but most of the time, it's actually quite an asset. I can't wait for her to get the chance to be a Big Sister. I just know she'll be great.

I'm also really cherishing the last few days we have Esther and her family with us.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

gifts and miracles.

WHY must I wake up with the sunrise every morning this week?!?
I am NOT a morning person. I don't even marvel at the sunrise (unless it happens to be over a body of water).But, being awake very early in the morning has given me a lot of quiet time, which I also need very much.

After a bridal shower this morning and going shopping for 5-year olds boys birthday presents this afternoon, I was completely wiped out. Running on just 4 hours of sleep will do that to you.

When I confirmed Hannah's conception, I immediately bought a baby item for the new life growing inside me (it was a baby bonnet). I didn't really get to do that with my last 3 pregnancies; I didn't have much time with them.
This time, I want it to be different. So today I bought a set of two pairs of little tiny baby gloves (I figured a December baby could certainly use gloves!). They have white and yellow stars on them. They're unisex, and they will match most of the newborn clothes that we already have.

I want this little tiny being to be OKAY! I've only known of his/her existence for about 48 hours, but I already love this baby beyond measure.

Right now I am cautiously wishing for the best, but also trying to mentally and emotionally cushion myself in case something does go wrong. I'm only 4 1/2 weeks pregnant; only God knows what will happen in the days ahead.

TTC after miscarriages.

I don't think anyone in real life knows just how all-consuming this TTC stuff is for me!

There is a very good reason that I have not posted at all this week. I've had a lot in my mind. I've been having more bizzare dreams, been going to bed very very late, and waking up at sunrise. I've been trying to internalize my situation and think it through thouroughly before I post it here for all to see.

That being said: Want to see how obsessive I am? After 3 pregnancy losses within 12 months? Ok, this is what happens when you chart your fertility signs for 2 years - it makes you a little crazy! It can even make you look like this or this! I know that this is only possible through the grace and miraculous power of God.

I wanted this to be my little secret for awhile, just between me and Mike and God.
But I'm so nervous and terrified and excited that I had to share it somewhere.

Please continue to pray for me and my family!!!

Monday, April 14, 2008

Jonah's birthday

This morning we played with Baby Ezra. His newest tricks are clapping his hands, and crawling around the house. He's working on his first tooth, so he's been kind of grumpy.
We went to Jonah's 5 year old birthday party at Chuck-E-Cheese. Ate pizza for dinner. I think I had more fun playing the games than Hannah did, seeing that she didn't even understand most of them, even though she kept pressing all the buttons. We turned in our tickets for tootsie roll pops, then went to MOPS.

No new moms came to our meeting - but two of the MOPS Area Coordinators did! They were so incredibly encouraging and supportive! They gave me a huge bag full of ministry resources, leaderships books and dvds, MOPS doorprizes like pens and notepads, ect. I cannot wait to use them all!!!!

I felt so blessed that they visited and shared ideas with us. It was a great time.
I hope that Esther can find a fitting leadership role when she moves to Idaho, because I'm sure her head is as full of good ideas as mine is!

I truly felt God's presence with us at that meeting tonight. Lightheaded, dizzying love and peace and calm, an almost indescribable holy feeling, that could only come from the Holy Spirit.

I can't wait to see how God works in our lives in the days and weeks and months to come!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Sleep eludes me.

It's always harder for me to sleep when Mike is working overnight.

But tonight, I am overwhelmed by sadness: for a variety of reasons, not just selfish ones.

I have so many thoughts racing through my mind right now! I've been praying about all the changes taking place in me and around me, and am still confused as to which direction God is leading me. I feel like there is a heavy burden on my heart right now, but I don't exactly know why. I think I need to take more time to be still and listen.

Whenever I remember my dreams the next morning, which is not too often, I know that they are important somehow. I had two very vivid dreams last night, and I am still wondering what God is trying to tell me through them.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

MOPS Conference.

Today, Mom took Hannah to the hot spots in town: the movies (she didn't like the scary bird in "Horton Hears a Who"), the mall, rode the carousel and jumped in the moonbounce, ate ice cream after lunch, and quite a few other little adventures.

I am so thankful that Mom could be here this weekend, because it allowed me (and Esther) to go to the MOPS Ledership Conference in Raleigh! I was pleasantly surprised that, after picking up Esther, it only took THIRTY MINUTES for us to the get there! I thought it would be an hour. I guess there's no traffic at 8am on Saturday mornings?!

It was really refreshing and uplifting to spend the day with so many other area moms.
It was an amazing time of learning, fellowship, brainstorming and networking. I loved it! I got some new outreach ideas for my group, that I can't wait to implement. Plus I got to meet our new area coordinator, and my new blog-friend Heather :) Gigantic, yummy burritos and chips were donated by Chipotle, plus they had all kinds of other delicious snacks and brownies and good stuff.
Another bonus: I have never won anything before, but today I got a doorprize! 5 new Bibles and 5 bible study books that I can't wait to use at church!!!

Esther & family are moving in two weeks, so I've been trying to spend plenty of time with them before they go. Today was lots of quality time in the car together :) I Know I will miss things like that next month.
Her oldest son will be FIVE on Monday! He's getting so big, he's such a smart kid too. I'm sad that they are leaving, of course, but I know that Idaho is where God wants them to be right now. Their new job sounds like the perfect fit.

And now, I Have to try to remedy my closet situation.... Yesterday my closet shelves and clothes rack broke. It has now exploded all over our bedroom, leaving me no place to sleep! Where am I going to put all these clothes and boxes?! Our attic door broke last week, too!

COME HOME, Handy Husband! Please come home tomorrow and help me fix this mess!

Friday, April 11, 2008

Great Day!

We had a fun day.
It was perfect weather; it was actually very warm at our house!
Hannah and I even got pink noses and cheeks this afternon.
Got up early and dragged my mom and Hannah to a MOPS meeting. We talked about disclipline issues, vacations, and tips for traveling on long trips with toddlers. We also made really pretty bracelets at MOPS - they inspired me to buy more beads soon, so that I can keep playing with my new jewelry-making tools!

We met Mike for lunch at a new restaurant downtown (I didnt like the food too much, but hey, it was worth a try), and got some souvenirs for Mom in a few of the local shops. I would have loved to spend more time there, but we had to move on and go to Hannah's ballet class. She was such a cute little ballerina today! She did a great job dancing and learning new ballet positions, and she didnt even cry when I left the room. I'm so proud of her, of her independence.

When we got home from ballet, Hannah voluntarily put herself in bed!
While she was resting, mom and I worked on a sewing project that I've ben meaning to do for a loooong time. It finally got done today!
When Hannah got up, we ate dinner and she took a bath.

Somewhere in there, I also did 2 loads of laundry. Except, I couldn't really put it away properly, because somehow, in the middle of the night, my closet broke! We didn't hear a thing, but when I got up this morning, the metal rod was hanging halfway down to the floor, two of the bolts in the middle of the closet were completely missing, and all my clothes were heading towards a gigantic pile at the bottom of my closet. And one of the closet doors is broken as well.
Good luck fixing that one, Mike!

Ok so, after dinner, we let Hannah stay up late and watch 30 mins of a movie. Last week we started going through our home videos, and tonight we got all the way up to Christmas 2005. Hannah loves seeing and hearing the things she did when she was younger. She's constantly reminding us that she is not a baby anymore, but a big kid!
She has been accidnet-free this week!!!

Tomorrow I get to spend the whole day with ESTHER! I just packed up my essentials and took a shower. I'm all ready, I just have to roll out of bed and get in the car!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

I'm Excited!

I got to talk with several far-away friends on the phone this afternoon.
It was like a breath of fresh air for me.
The MOPS conference on Saturday will be like a relaxing fresh-air retreat, too.

My mom is now here for the weekend!
She's such a big help, and always spoils Hannah like crazy.
We'll be busy this weekend, and have tons of fun!

Mike had an eye exam yesterday, and his vision is now 20/15! AWESOME!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Doctors Appointments, ect.

Mike had Lasik eye surgery yesterday afternoon! The intake process, paperwork and waiting took over an hour, but the actual procedure only took about 20 minutes! It was pretty neat, the way it was explained to me, though I chose not to watch - sticking plastic shields and lasers into my husband's eyes just isn't appealing to me. Then they gave him 4 different kinds of eyedrops and some Valium, to help him relax, sleep, and begin to heal.
This morning, he can already see more clearly, but his eyes are still very red and itchy and irritated, especially the right one. He has a follow-up appointment this afternoon.

It's a beautiful, sunny spring day outside. This morning, I actually took the time to put on nice clothes, brush my hair, and even wear perfume! It made me feel so much better about myself, just because I look more presentable on the outside.

I also had a doctor's appointment today. More check-ups and needles for me, to make sure my medications are working correctly and that I'm still taking the right doseage. I'll get the lab results on Friday, but they said everything seems to be going well. A strange note: I've lost 10 pounds since December (not that I needed to). That's like 8% of my bodyweight or something! Kind of weird, but I guess thyroid meds can do that to you.

In the meantime, I'm still hoping and praying that we can get pregnant again soon.

Because I was sick last week and then Mike had the flu all weekend, I've been on Hannah duty for a week striahgt without any respite. So today, I'm giving myself a few hours away from Hannah (which entails my doctor's appointment, browsing through the secondhand store, and an uninterrupted trip to the library). She was very sad that I was going out without her. But she's with her Daddy, that's fun, isn't it?
I love her to death, and she's the sweest little girl I know, but sometimes I just need my own space.

Tomorrow my mom is coming to visit for the weekend, that's always fun!
Esther and I are going to a MOPS leadership conference in Raleigh. I can't wait, I'm really excited! I've never been able to go to anything like this before, from lack of childcare, but my mom is going to stay with Hannah, because Mike will be working the midnight shift all weekend, and he needs some sleep instead of being on constant Hannah-duty. See, everyone wins.

Have a Happy Day!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

New Baby!!!

Baby and Mom are doing very well.

Nathaniel Allan was born on April 6, 2008 at 10:12am.
He weighs 6 lbs, 13 oz. and is 19 inches long.

Congratulations, baby.
Welcome to the world, little one.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

News of the Week.

I hosted a yard sale at our church this morning, but had to move it inside because of the rain. It was a pretty pathetic turnout. Maybe we'll try again when the weather is better.
I don't know what I'm goign to do about my MOPS group.


Mike has the flu this weekend. Yuck. He is miserable. He was scheduled to work an overtime shift today, but he called out of work because he was vomiting all night. How lovely. I actually slept in the guest room last night, because I didn't want to get sick again. Why are we all taking turns being sick?

Mike is also getting laser eye surgery on Tuesday.

I have a dr appointment on Weds, to check my meds and hormone levels.

And my mom is coming on Thursday, to spend the weekend with us. I had a funny dream that she came early, on Monday instead of Thurs, and said that she wanted to live with us, in our guest bedroom, because she was tired of living in Maryland with my dad, my lazy deadbeat brother, and my other brother, who is leaving for college in August.
I called her to tell her my dream, and we got a good laugh out of that one. No matter how much drama goes on in their house, she would never leave them permanently.

My best friends here in Durham are moving across the country in 4 weeks! Esther & Josh got a new position in Idaho. IDAHO! I know it will be a big change for them, a positive one, but it's also sad and bittersweet that they are leaving. We've gotten so close this past year, we'll really miss them.
I'm already planning to visit in the fall!

I think Hannah is going through a growth spurt. She's eating like crazy, sleeping more, and getting taller all the time! She finally fits into 3t clothes now.

My best friend in Pittsburgh is 38.5 weeks pregnant, and 3cm dialated. She's been having contractions off and on for about a week, so it could be any day now...! Her labor keeps stalling, and I know it's got to be so frustrating. I want to go visit and help her out a week or two after the baby is born.