Friday, September 14, 2012

Tonight, I realized...

I had a very rare out-with-girlfriends-and-no-kids hour this evening... But it made me realize something. There are so many conversations and interactions I have daily, in which God is not mentioned. I need to be more bold and creative about how I witness about God's glory and how I can share my testimony with others. This particular encounter also made me remember how I like to close myself up in a little Christian bubble, and hang-out with only "churchy" people. But everyone needs friends, not just well-dressed, manicured, middle-class SAHMs. I need to broaden my horizons a little more. In the past, I've done that to the point of burn-out. This time I'd like to focus on a few specific people, and see where that leads...

PS: Want to win $1000? Well, here is a great giveaway hosted by Capri Sun and Finding Joy Click Here to Enter! I entered. Did you? Drawing ends on Monday, Sept 16th.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Friday, September 7, 2012


First of all, I just want to say how grateful I am for friends that pray for me and think of me daily, and share their hearts and their lives with me, so that I can pray for them too. You have no idea how much I appreciate that kind of friendship.

So in my last post I wrote that I had some doubts. I guess my instinct was correct, because yesterday I learned that we were not, in fact, accepted into the foster parent classes that begin on Saturday. The class "was full. There is no space for you."

At hearing this news, I was initially crushed. Disappointed. Upset. Frustrated (this is the second time we haven't been "accepted" by Durham County, for goodness sakes!). I mean, we had worked hard to sell our house and buy this new bigger house, to make room for more children, to clear our schedules for the next six weekends in a row, to line up babysitters, and to make sure we did everything right so that we could take the foster parent classes this month. We did do everything right, but obviously God has different plans than the ones I had in mind. So I let myself cry a little for this lost dream.

Then after the shock wore off, my first reaction was to call a few different local agencies, to get us into another class soon. When I want something, I don't give up on it easily.  So there are 2 "orientation" classes we'll go to in the next month. (I didn't realize that there are options, that you don't HAVE to work with your county's DSS agency. News to me.)

To reiterate: I'm not giving up. I'm giving IN!
Giving in to whatever God has planned for me.
I KNOW God still has good plans for me!!

Because this is NOT about what -I- want. My goals need to be lined up with what God's plans are for myself and my family. Whether or not that means foster care or adopting, or neither, I need to be ok with what happens. Because none of it is in my control.

 Last night, I laid awake with a sick child at 2am, thoughts jumping around in my head, unable to sleep. I wanted to hear some kind of wisdom from the Bible, but I wasn't focused enough to read it myself and come up with some sort of applicable insight. So I searched through sermon archives and found a message that JD Greear preached five years ago, in September 2007. It is so applicable to me (and to many other people also, I'm sure). The first point he made was that everyone has doubts. I know that's kind of obvious, but it was what I needed to hear in the moment. Quote: "EVery person has doubts. It's part of what makes us human. We think, therefore we doubt God." It goes on to explain 4 common areas of doubt, and how we can overcome them. If you're interested, find the sermon here.

So, what does this mean, and where do I go from here? Well, today I was praying along with Proverbs 3:5-6. It's one of the very first Bible verses I memorized as a young child: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not upon your own understanding; but in all of your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths." That's what I'm praying, that I will not give in to doubt, but put my trust completely in Him.

Monday, September 3, 2012

What if they say no?

I have this semi-irrational fear that I will call our local DSS and find out that, for some reason or another, we will not be allowed to take the foster parent classes that begin on Sept 8th. The foster parent classes that we cleared our schedules for over six months ago. The classes that I have been hoping and praying about for FIVE YEARS, that Mike finally just agreed to this spring.

Anyway, I am calling them tomorrow morning, and Ms T the social worker will either say "Yes, you are welcome to be in the class", or "No, unfortunately we don't have space for you at this time." And whichever answer it is, I am supposed to be ok with it. Because whatever happens, I have been assured over and over, is how it is meant to be.

The anxiety is getting to me.

Yesterday I explained my thoughts and asked my husband, "If we can't be in this class, what will we do?!?!?" He very calmly answered "That just means we aren't supposed to do it RIGHT NOW. Maybe now is not the right time" ...although he went on to say "I doubt it though. I think all signs point to yes. Look at all that's happened to put us in this position right now." He went on to elaborate about our move, the new house, his job and payrate, etc.

When he said "maybe not now", I had never considered that. I like to have my hopes and dreams and plans come true - but often in my own timing, not God's. And just as trying to have a second baby didn't go the way I wanted it to go, maybe God has plans that are far different, and far better, than the ones in my head. I guess I just have to keep trusting him, and put aside my own selfish wants. The song "This is Only a Mountain" has been repeating itself over & over in my head all weekend. How appropriate.

In the meantime, I found a new "Isaiah" at and I can't get the idea of him, or at the very least, the idea of an adopted son, out of my mind. In the photolisting, this Isaiah has dark curly hair that is identical to Mike's hair.

I don't know much about him, but I do know that this child needs a family to love and care for him. The big question is: Who will it be? I hope he finds them soon.