Monday, September 3, 2012

What if they say no?

I have this semi-irrational fear that I will call our local DSS and find out that, for some reason or another, we will not be allowed to take the foster parent classes that begin on Sept 8th. The foster parent classes that we cleared our schedules for over six months ago. The classes that I have been hoping and praying about for FIVE YEARS, that Mike finally just agreed to this spring.

Anyway, I am calling them tomorrow morning, and Ms T the social worker will either say "Yes, you are welcome to be in the class", or "No, unfortunately we don't have space for you at this time." And whichever answer it is, I am supposed to be ok with it. Because whatever happens, I have been assured over and over, is how it is meant to be.

The anxiety is getting to me.

Yesterday I explained my thoughts and asked my husband, "If we can't be in this class, what will we do?!?!?" He very calmly answered "That just means we aren't supposed to do it RIGHT NOW. Maybe now is not the right time" ...although he went on to say "I doubt it though. I think all signs point to yes. Look at all that's happened to put us in this position right now." He went on to elaborate about our move, the new house, his job and payrate, etc.

When he said "maybe not now", I had never considered that. I like to have my hopes and dreams and plans come true - but often in my own timing, not God's. And just as trying to have a second baby didn't go the way I wanted it to go, maybe God has plans that are far different, and far better, than the ones in my head. I guess I just have to keep trusting him, and put aside my own selfish wants. The song "This is Only a Mountain" has been repeating itself over & over in my head all weekend. How appropriate.

In the meantime, I found a new "Isaiah" at and I can't get the idea of him, or at the very least, the idea of an adopted son, out of my mind. In the photolisting, this Isaiah has dark curly hair that is identical to Mike's hair.

I don't know much about him, but I do know that this child needs a family to love and care for him. The big question is: Who will it be? I hope he finds them soon.

No comments: