Friday, May 30, 2008

MIL visits. Ballet Class. Belly pics!

I'm ten weeks pregnant now, and SO THANKFUL that everything is going well!
Every day, I get just a little closer to that beautiful twelve-week mark!

Here are some belly pictures....

Today, I was babysitting from 9-5, while Hannah had her last ballet class of the season. She picked out a special fairy statue to give to her teacher, who LOVES fairies! The teacher named the little figurine "Hannah", of course. It was a great moment.

My MIL is visiting until Monday, so no more updates from us for a few days.
We're planning a fun-filled weekend though! Including a night at the ballet theater on Sunday, to see "The Little Mermaid!"

Have a great weekend!
Enjoy this nice weather!


Monday, May 26, 2008

Confessions of a pregnant mom.

I feel like a big bloated balloon. I've been craving ice cream and popcorn and potato chips. I ate all three of them yesterday, and Im working on doing it again tonight.

I've also gone up two bra sizes within the last MONTH.
Umm, no wonder I've been so sore!

And I FINISHED my miscarriage scrapbook today! Whew!
I'd had all the pictures and papers and quotes and journals and other things gathered for months. It just took me until today to actually put them all together.
Ok, I probably sound like an insane woman, for making a memory book about my miscarriages - but it's personal, just for me, and *I* like it.

Hannah took a 90 min nap today, which is very rare (it's the only reason I got the scrapbook done - kuz she was sleeping). But by 8:30 tonight she was ready for bed again! What's up with that?! She's been so tired lately. And whiny. Ick. Whining is NOT allowed in my house!

Ok, absolute FUNNIEST moment of the day:
During dinner, Mike asked how I was feeling.
Then he said "How far along are you now, almost ten weeks?"
Yes, that's right.

"So, wait, when is the due date again?"
It's Christmas Eve, honey.

"WHAT?! You never told me that! I thought you were just joking about not visiting our families for Christmas! I HAD NO IDEA!"
Well gee dear, I'm glad you're with us now.
I couldn't stop shaking my head at him! What else could I do?!?

We also had an amusing conversation tonight about baby names, but I'll save that for another time.

Have a good week! :)


Saturday, May 24, 2008

Our Anniversary. New Haircut.

Today is our fifth wedding anniversary! Can you believe that we got engaged six years ago? It doesn't seem that long already.... but so much has happened in our lives since then!

To celebrate our anniversary, and the fact that Mike has the entire weekend off, we went OUT!

First, I got a haircut!


Then, I got a new cell phone! It looks like this, but in red:

Mike says he likes it even better than the Razor, or his new slider LG phone. It'll take me a few days to figure out all the new features.

We ate lunch at the Cheesecake Factory! Their food is always amazing. We stuffed ourselves with guacamole dip as an appetizer, and it was soooo good! Then our meal came, and we could only finish half of our plates. And of course we had to order cheesecake for dessert: strawberry cheesecake. Hannah ate most of it for us, especially the whipped cream. It was so very yummy, but I feel like I gained 3 or 4 pounds after that meal! So then we had to walk it off.

Hannah and I browsed through just about every store in the mall, but didn't actually buy anything. Then Mike went to a sporting goods store, while we girls played at Babies R Us.((I got Hannah a really cute shirt that says "BIG SISTER!" She has no idea what it says/means, she only knows that it's pink! haha!)) We had a great time. Then we all came home and crashed! We were napping from 5-7pm. It was nice.

After that, I cleaned out our closets! I put away all the winter/spring clothes and got out our summer things. I also packed away all the shirts and pants that will be getting too small for me very soon, and put MATERNITY clothes in my closet as well! Most of them are still huge, but a few of the shirts will fit within a couple more weeks. I swear, I am getting bigger!
I'm so glad I got all that done, while Mike was giving Hannah a bath!
I feel so productive now! And our room is a lot cleaner and better organized, too!

Now Im gonna take a shower and wash off this funky hairspray from the salon.
Tomorrow: Church in the morning, then we're having a little BBQ at our house. Fun times!

Have a great day! :)


Quick Update

Thank you all. Im doing much better this morning. Last night the brown discharge/spotting tapered off and stopped. So did the cramping. I felt tons better after I got some much-needed sleep!

Im gonna get Hannah dressed, fed, and ready to go out, and then Im gonna chop off my hair!

I'll try to post before & after pictures later on.
I'm excited, this will be fun!

Friday, May 23, 2008

Im scared. Please pray. New friend?

Im having some brownish spotting today.
Not much, but just enough to have me scared.
The midwife on call said that this is "normal", because of the uterus and other things stretching and growing in there. And that as long as it doesn't turn red, I should be totally fine. She said "Have a great weekend, and try not to worry!"
Still, I am SCARED! Please pray that everything continues to go well for me and this pregnancy. I really don't know if I can mentally or emotionally handle another loss.

This morning we had a playdate with some of our MOPS friends, and we ended up staying at the playgroun until 2pm! I got to share my lunch and witness to a new mommy! (I dont know where she stands spiritually, but I got to share my testimony with her, and we got to know more about each other.) I also invited her to our next MOPS playdate, and even got her phone number, so we can stay in touch! That was really neat.

Hannah is "taking a rest", reading books to her baby dolls in her new big bed. She needs some downtime after 3 hours of running on the playground!
Her ballet class starts in less than an hour, and I have to fold laundry and clean up in the kitchen before we leave. And find her dance clothes....

What I'd really like to do is curl up on the couch and cry, but I guess that will wait until later tonight. I've been on a huge emotionally draining roller coaster, I've been irritable and moody with everyone close to me, and I've been extra-hungry this week.

PS: Our five year wedding anniversary is tomorrow. To celebrate, I'm going to chop off all my hair! Then maybe Mike will take us out for a nice yummy dinner.

Monday, May 19, 2008

Doctor's Appointment!

Im feeling great! Extra hungry, but that's ok.

My doctor's appointment went so well! I'm SO EXCITED! [:D]

Today I weighed 128 lbs - up about one pound from last month. My bp was normal (it usually is), but because I had severe pre-eclampsia when I was pregnant with Hannah, and it's likely it could happen again, they're watching me very closely. I have to do the 24-hr urine test tomorrow. (Otherwise known as Pee-into-a-bottle-all-day-and-all-night-long. Oh what fun.)

I was majorly impressed that the ob/midwife practice already had all of my records in order, and was very relieved that I didn't have to explain my entire medical history all over again. They already knew my LMP, my last pap smear, my EDD, all my past pregnancies, everything! They even had all of Hannah's medical records too, because her pediatrician works for the same practice!

We listened for a heartbeat with the handheld Doppler, and heard all kinds of swooshing noises (digestion, bloodflow, maybe my own heartbeat?) but couldn't get a clear sound.

So, just to be sure, they pulled out the ultrasound machine.
I had no idea what to expect. I've only ever gotten to have ONE ultrasound before, when Hannah was about 24 weeks.
But today I got to SEE my baby, and see it's tiny heartbeat! It was so surreal. I was shocked. I wasn't expecting to really see anything at all! I mean, not that there's a whole lot to look at, when youre less than an inch long.... Yeah, I could tell there was a head and a body, but that was about it.
Baby was swimming around like CRAZY! Such a tiny thing, but already so active.
It was so funny-looking, I almost cried!

The midwife said "Hey, I thought you'd be more excited about this", but I think I was mostly just shocked. I had to let it sink in: A baby, there really is a live baby in there! THANK YOU GOD!

Baby is measuring exactly nine weeks, which is a couple days bigger than my estimated 8wks, 5 days - but hey, nothing wrong with that!
The due date is still Christmas Eve.

The only bad part happened when they tried to get 6 vials of blood out of me. I know I have awful veins, but the nurse didn't do such a wonderful job. It took her 3 tries just to hit a vein! Oh well, maybe I'll get someone else next time.

I've decided to go with this practice, UNC's midwife program, instead of using the freestanding birthing center. Before today, I wasn't sure, but now I am convinced. I just feel that delivering at the hospital is a safer choice for me if there are complications later in the pregnancy, or with delivery.... or if I have to be induced again.
And the fact that they have a portable ultrasound machine that we can use whenever we need to, without actually going to the hospital - well, that's a nice bonus!
So, I'll visit them every four weeks, for now.

I am so thankful. I cried on the way home, just so glad that this pregnancy is going well, and that I've made it to two months. Here's hoping for seven more!

A funny Hannah moment: I got home, and walked in the door holding a printout of 3 ultrasound pictures. I showed Mike, and he said something semi-approving, like "oh look, there's a baby blob in there". Then of course Hannah yelled "I wanna see, I wanna see!" So he handed the pictures to Hannah.... and she promptly dropped it onto the floor! Completely uninterested in a fuzzy-looking gray, black-and-white thing (can you blame her, really?!).
We asked her "What is that?" and she honestly, matter-of-factly replied "I don't know." Poor girl, she's still pretty clueless.

I'm going to sign us up to take the hospital maternity tour, probably in late September or October, which also includes a sibling class. They give the kids a tour of the hospital, the labor & delivery rooms, and the baby nursery, so that she can get a better idea of what will happen. Maybe it will help make it more real for her. Right now she has a really hard time grasping concepts that are not concrete.

Wow, I feel like I've written a whole book chapter tonight.
Have a good night, and a happy tomorrow! :)

Sunday, May 18, 2008

It's raining, it's pouring... and Hannah is snoring.

I almost bought myself a miscarriage/pregnancy loss bracelet from for Mother's Day... but ended up not ordering it. They have some really touching, beautiful things. Instead, I used some of the designs to inspire my own creation! These are the first pieces of jewelry that I have ever made, and I am SO EXCITED and happy at the way they turned out! :) I put a colored birthstone next to each flower, representing the months that I lost my three angel babies. And the matching earrings are just perfect! You can't get those at a store!

Look what I made last night!

I just wanted to share this, because the whole jewelry-making process was a very healing and beautiful experience for me. Now I am working on two similar bracelet/earring sets, that I plan to give to my mom and MIL for their birthdays later this summer, as a thank-you gift for supporting me through one of the most difficult years of my life.

This morning was the first time I got to wear my new bracelet/earrings. And during church, I felt such a peace and calm from the Holy Spirit! I was on the verge of tears all morning. It really was amazing; I don't know how to explain it. The message today was about being missionaries and servants of God, and I just felt so moved and encouraged. I know that God is working through me, to be a "missionary" right here in NC, just where I am.

After church, Hannah & I ate lunch, and took a verrrry long walk around the neigborhood - she walked/rode her bike for over an hour! Then she came home and crashed.

I'm glad we got some exercise, kuz it's pouring down rain now!

The thunder and lightening are getting closer, so I'm gonna shut down the computer, just to be safe. We've already had one hard drive crash this week. I don't want to deal with that again.

Hope you had a nice weekend.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Sleep is a precious commodity.

This morning, I woke up when Mike left for work at 6am. I couldn't go back to sleep. At first I was mad, kuz I HATE waking up early for no good reason. But then I got out of bed and make the best of it, by catching up on a week's worth of laundry.

I feel bad for Mike: he's been on-the-clock since before 7am, and is still stuck at work now, at 10pm!!! They had a major medical emergency right around shift change (a man died of a heart attack on the way to the hospital), so he was tied up with that, and is now doing lots of associated paperwork.

Hannah has been doing an excellent job of sleeping in her big-girl bed this week.She still asks if Mommy can sleep in bed WITH her, but I always tell her no, and so far it hasn't really been an issue. ((We never did the co-sleeping thing, I just didnt want to start any habits, so it's funny to me that she's requesting it now.))
Last night she was sooo tired that she fell asleep at 8pm, and I had to wake her up thirteen hours later, at 9 this morning. She was STILL tired this afternoon; she fell asleep on the way to her ballet class!

Today we signed up Hannah for a 3 year old, 3-day-a-week preschool program that begins in September. Ive been looking all around, and I know they have a really good program, plus it's the closest preschool to our house! Can't complain! Right now we're #3 on the waiting list, but there are quite a few months ahead of us, so Im not worried.

New symptoms going on with me: indigestion, nausea, and heartburn. I am not surprised that they have shown up, in fact, these uncomfortable, infrequent visitors simply reconfirm my pregnant state! Only three more days until my first doctor's appointment :)

I feel like my appetite has increased three or four times more than normal, just in the past week alone! Any time that I can stomach more food, I do, and I still feel like I am constantly hungry! Ironically, the idea of cooking or the smell of food baking makes my stomach turn, so I do have to be careful of when and what I put into my mouth.

And now I am going to brush my teeth and lay in bed, though Im sure I won't fall asleep until well after my husband comes home, whenever that might be.


Thursday, May 15, 2008

Surprise Reactions.

Hannah and I went on a long road trip this weekend. Here is a summary:

On Friday morning, we went to a really nice MOPS tea. All the moms made such yummy treats to eat! And even though I was reluctant to drink tea (I just don't like hot flavored water, sorry!), it wasn't too bad with lots of sugar in it.
After I read my speech, I don't think there was a dry eye in the entire room. It was am amazing experience. Then my friend JoAnna summed up the entire year beautifully, with her message about the fruits of the spirit, and being content with whatever God gives you.

We stayed overnight in Maryland. I announced my pregnancy by telling my mother "Oh by the way, we won't be able to visit for Christmas this year, because.... I'm due to have a baby on Christmas Eve!"
And do you know what her reaction was?
"OH NO, I hope you dont have another KYLA!!!"
(Kyla is my crazy/sweet/oddball sister; she was born on Christmas Eve in 1985.)

Saturday, we drove to PA. Had dinner with the in-laws. Hannah bonded with her great grandpap and uncles, while I introducted my MIL to the world of scrapbooking. She is now addicted!

Sunday was Mother's Day. After church, my FIL took us out for brunch. It was so yummy! I ate everything on my plate, and half of Hannah's blueberry pancakes! Then we visited some friends, took a nap in the afternoon, and let Hannah play in the hot tub before dinner.

I got to tell Mike's parents about my pregnancy too. My MIL was so overjoyed that she was practically weeping. She said "I've been hoping you would tell me that for months; I'm so happy for you!"

The only really bad part of our trip happened on Sunday night, when I smashed my finger in the door. It hurt SO MUCH, and I felt really embarrassed that I'd hurt myself like that in front of Hannah and all of Mike's family. My finger is very bruised and purple and sore, but thankfully not broken.

We spent Monday and Tuesday with our friends in Pittsburgh! We got to meet Ally's new baby boy, play with Aaron, one of Hannah's best friends, and just hang out and relax. On Tuesday afternoon we met up with some more college friends and their babies. The kids had so much fun together! I wish we could see them more often.

Wednesday, we left for home at 9:45am, and got to Durham exactly nine hours later. Not bad, especially since we took more than several potty breaks, and spent 30 mins at a West Virginia state park, to get some exercise.
If gas prices weren't so high, I'd love to do it all over again next month.

Mike really outdid himself while we were gone. He acted like he was just so tired and busy from work that he couldn't possibly bring himself to do anything around the house. But he fooled us!

The first thing that we saw when we parked our car in the driveway, was a brand-new swingset in the backyard! SURPRISE! Hannah was so thrilled that it took me an hour just to get her inside! And waiting in her room was her brand new big girl bed, complete with the sprakly purple butterfly bedding that has been hiding in her closet for over a month! No more baby crib for this girl!

For me, he cleaned the kitchen, scrubbed the floors, vaccumed the whole house, washed all our sheets and towels and dirt dishes... He also got me fiften roses! One dozen, plus three more for each year that I've been a mother. So sweet.

Hope you had a Happy Mother's Day!

And again, thank you all so much for your prayers!
They really mean a lot to me.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Speech Tomorrow. Read and Reply!

This is the speech I am giving to all of my Durham MOPS friends tomorrow morning.
Tell me what you think. Is it too much?


Some of the most difficult questions for me to answer are: “How many children do you have?” and “oh, is she your only one?” or “when are you going to have more?” At first these might seem like innocent questions, appropriate for all mothers of preschoolers.

Well, some of you may or may not know that I have struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss. You wouldn’t know it by looking at me. It’s not something with physical scars, that show on the outside. It’s not an easy subject to talk about. But this morning I am going to tell my story, with the hope that God can use me and my experiences to strengthen and encourage you. And please excuse me if I get emotional and start to cry!

Last year, in February 2007, the week that my daughter Hannah turned three years old, I discovered I was pregnant again. My husband Mike and I were so excited! We immediately told our parents, and our siblings, Hannah’s aunts and uncles.
But about 3 weeks after that positive pregnancy test, on a Sunday morning in March, I began bleeding heavily.
We were completely devastated.
I never imagined, not even in my worst nightmares, that this could happen to me. I felt so isolated and alone. I didn’t know how to tell family and friends what had taken place – partly because I was in denial for a little while. I just wanted to sit alone in the dark, under the blankets, and mourn.
I thought: Why would this pregnancy be taken away from me, when we wanted it so badly? I got angry. I questioned God’s plans and His purposes. It just wasn’t fair. Why me? Why do bad things like this happen to good people (like me)? Did I do something wrong? Do I deserve this somehow? I wrestled with guilt and fear.

Miscarriage and pregnancy loss are not easy subjects to bring up, and are not talked about very much. Many women suffer along in silence. But I was surprised to find out how often it happens (about one in five pregnancies end in miscarriage, maybe more, since early losses aren’t always reported).
As I began to open up and share my burden, women from my neighborhood, my church, even my own family, admitted that they had suffered private losses too.
I realized that maybe I was not alone after all.

Life moved on that spring, whether I wanted it to or not. Exactly three months after my first loss, I found out that I was pregnant again. But we barely had time to process the news. Just a few days later, my third pregnancy ended at five weeks. My doctor called it a “chemical pregnancy”. It was Father’s Day weekend. How ironic. I felt so sad and bitter, and afraid. I drove home to be with my family in Maryland, to get away for a little while.

The following week, one of my closest friends, Esther, gave birth to her son. She had asked me to be there, to come to the hospital when he was born. I stayed with her all day.
But I was unsure how I would react, if I would be able to be emotionally supportive, Thankfully, I was not jealous. I was not uncomfortable. I was genuinely calm and happy to be there, joyfully supporting my friend and celebrating her new baby.
God gave me the grace and the strength I needed to be there for Esther.

(Her son Ezra is truly a gift from God. During her pregnancy, an ultrasound showed that Ezra had clubbed feet. For months and months we prayed so hard for that little baby, and God answered our prayers. Ezra was born with just one mildly clubbed foot, not two, as the doctors thought.)

At a joyful time, when many of my friends were experiencing the joys of pregnancy and new motherhood, I was experiencing great loss and sadness.
I was so emotionally fragile that summer.
I began to think that Hannah might be my only child.
I started losing hope, and slipping into depression.
Barriers were created between my husband and me.
We had to work hard to keep our marriage on the right track.

But through these trials, God listened, and he was patience and faithful to me, despite how I might have felt towards him. I was amazed at how much comfort He could bring to my grieving soul. He made me stronger; He strengthened my faith. He carried me through, even when I thought I might not be able to go on.

And most amazing of all, He created opportunities to share my story with others, to begin to reach out and comfort and minister to women who had experienced similar losses. I realized that I could be an encouragement to them! And through that outreach effort, I myself began the healing process. I’ve even started writing a book about my experience, hoping that I can help more women by telling my story.

Six months after my second loss, in December 2007, I became pregnant again. We couldn’t wait to announce the happy news to our families when we visited them at Christmastime. But it didn’t quite get that far. The pregnancy ended at six weeks, just two days before Christmas. Again, I was filled with sadness and grief.

Three miscarriages in nine months: How horrible! What was going on with my body?
I just felt so empty and heartbroken. And deep down, I knew that something just wasn’t right.

In January of this year, I visited with a new doctor, who discovered that I have a thyroid problem. He told me that this could be the cause of my infertility and early pregnancy losses. I felt so much relief, that now there was a name and a solution for my problem. There was hope!

Last year was one of the most trying times in my life. My faith was severely tested and my beliefs were shaken. But I know that God does all things for the good of those who love Him. Even when we don’t understand His ways, He can turn the saddest of circumstances into a triumphant, golden opportunity of love and grace. And He has been pushing me out of my comfort zone, stretching me to new heights, and helping me to become more confident in who I am. Even though I am a sinner, and I am still a work in progress.

Now, it is spring again.
I can barely believe it, but it has been over a year since my first miscarriage.
I feel like I have come around in a full circle.
I know that God is not finished with me yet, because He is faithful.
Once again, he has answered my prayers, because I am pregnant again.
God has blessed us with a tiny miracle, that is due to arrive in December. I can’t think of a better Christmas present, or a better way to be a vessel and an example of Jesus’ love.

Please pray with me.

Thank you, dear God, for the many blessings that you have given to each one of us. Thank you for your love, your grace, your mercy and salvation. Thank you for turning our trials into triumphs. And thank you that you are the wonderful Creator and the giver of everlasting life.


Birthing center, milestones, and bizzare dreams.

An important milestone: Seven weeks and two days pregnant.
This is days longer than my three previous pregnancies have lasted.
I feel relived and more confident, like I am almost out of the woods.

Last night we took a tour of the birthing center in Chapel Hill. Mike was not excited about it, but I was very interested. It is the only freestanding birth center in North Carolina. It's only a mile from UNC Hospital (where Hannah was born). I'm not the environmentalist, organic, granola-loving type, but I do love the idea of a midwife-attended, naturally progressing labor and birth.
The first-floor birth center is set-up very similarly to a labor & delivery ward, with bigger, more comfortable beds, priavte bathrooms, huge bathtubs, and basic, but less invasive, medical equipment. It's perfectly safe and much more comfortable and homey.

The other alternative is to go to a midwife practice for my prenatal care, but have the delivery at the hospital, assisted by a midwife - which doesn't sound much different, but could be more complicated, or lead to unwanted medical intervention, just because that's how hospitals operate.

The only other determining factor is cost. I know exactly what the birth center costs, but I am unclear how much Blue Cross is wiling to pay on my behalf.
I am also having a hard time estimating how expensive a hospital birth would be. (We had a low-income state-sponsored insurance plan with Hannah, so virtually everything was paid for by the government when she was born. That was nice, but it dosn't help me plan for now!) My OB practice says they "have no idea, we just bill what they tell us to." Yes, of course you do.

Pregnancy always produces bizzare dreams for me.
This week I have been dreaming that we are going to adopt a little boy from Guatemala. It's odd though - in my dream, it's as if this tiny male baby is inseminated into me, and I actually, physically, give birth to him when the pre-ordained time comes for Mike and I to take over as his parents. But when he is born, there is not one baby. but two! Fraternal male twins. They look completely different (the original baby looks obviously Guatemalian, the other boy looks like me), but their personalities are remarkably similar. They never cry; they are so quiet that somtimes I forget to feed or change them.

Obviously, this dream would not happen in real life.
Where does my mind come up with these things?!

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Doctors visit, primary voting

Woke up at 9:45 this morning. With the awful allergies I've been having, it's making it hard for me to sleep well. I've been going to bed at 1 or 2 am - I just can't sleep!

Needless to say, I was late for my 10am doctor's appointment. I threw on some clothes, grabbed my puirse and a banana, and drove over these.
Had to wait an HOUR to see my PCP! The wait was not cool.
My thyroid levels are steady and normal, so no problems there.
We talked about my medication doseages now that I am pregnant, and agreed that the safest thing for my pregnancy would be to wean me off Zoloft (I've been taking it since September 2007 for depression). Mike is worried that a sudden drop in meds might harm a baby, as well as damage my mental health. I am trying to convince him otherwise. I think he's just concerned for me.

Hannah helped me vote today too. I told her which little bubbles to fill in. On one of the sections, she scribbled outside of the lines - so we actually had to fill-in the ballot all over again. I didn't let her "help" the second time - I REALLY didn't want to have to get a THIRD ballot!

Personally, I feel like the primary elections are mostly just a waste of time. They don't really prove anything. They're not even indicative of the voting outcome in November. Oh well.

Ok, Hannah is now falling asleep on the couch, so I'd better get her moving towards bed!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

safe and sound

Esther and her family arrived safely at their new home in Idaho last night. They were delayed on Friday with high winds, tornado warnings, interstate closures, ect. They are all very tired, but glad that their new home is set up with everything they need. The congregation at their new church has done an amazing job of welcoming them and helping them unpack!

We had a possible pastor come candidate at our church this weekend. On Saturday, Hannah and I met his wife and two young girls, while he was preparing the sermon and doing some official business with the church elders. Their girls are so cute! The older one is Hannah's age; they had so much fun chasing each other around at the museum. The 10 month old is already walking!
Their father seems to be a gifted teacher, and I think he would make a great new leader for our church. We'll see what the elders say on Wednesday.

Well, I'm 6.5 weeks pregnant and feeling great. Tired, kinda emotional, and still craving pickles. But I can't complain! Tomorrow I have a check-up with my regular family doctor. On Wednesday we are going to tour a birthing center in Chapel Hill. Mike is not too excited about it, but I want to keep it on my list of possibilities.

Take care, and have a great week!


Thursday, May 1, 2008

Today was...

Today was a GOOD day! :)

Got to talk with Esther for 30 mins this morning! We hadn't spoken since they left on Sunday night. Both boys are doing well in the car, no one has gotten hurt or pulled out their hair yet, and Ezra got his first tooth yesterday!!!
Esther said that today it is SNOWING in Idaho and Wyoming - It's May, quit snowing already, for pete's sake!

After lunch, we were babysitting for 4-5 hours. The kids played outside the whole time. I struggled and fought with them to put sunscreen on, but other than that, they were just really fun, having a blast, very well-behaved. All 3 of them ran through the sprinkler and got wet & muddy. I took some really neat pictures. So cute! Then we played hide-n-seek. The five-year-old found some really good places to hide. Once he was under the car, so far that I couldnt see him, and Hannah had to point him out to me!

Still haven't told The Mom (my "boss") that I am pregnant. This afternoon, one of her best friends came over to talk about her pregnancy - the friend is due exactly one month before me! I didnt want to step on her toes, since I don't know the friend very well, so I didnt say anything about myself.

I am waiting until Mother's Day weekend to tell our parents the big news. I'll be about 8 weeks by then. Last year, I never made it past seven weeks, so that will be a big milestone for me.

If you are wondering, my book is about my TTC and infertilty/miscarriage experiences.

No other moms came to the MOPS meeting this week. I'm getting really discouraged. I've been praying and asking God to lead me, and guide me in the right direction - I'm just really confused as to where I should go from here. Should I keep pressing on? Should I renew our MOPS membership for the fall, even though we have no members?! Should I give up on this new group, and lead an already-established group that is farther from home? Should I look for a new church? Am I missing something, or doing anything wrong? Should I just wait and see? I don't know!

I've been wrestling with this for about a month, and I still don't know.
I think sometimes I really need to work on being quiet and still, and just trusting in God.

Lacie and Krissy and Ally, and whoever else is interceding to God on my behalf: THANK YOU! I can feel your prayers!