Sunday, December 7, 2008

One year ago...

My sweet, precious, beloved third angel baby...
It was one year ago when I found out about you, little one. I miss you all the time. I ache because you are not here with us. I know that you are safe and secure with God in heaven now, but I still miss you like crazy. I miss you every day, but especially now, at Christmastime. The Christmas season will always remind me of you, such a great loss.

You are my first December child. There will be a new baby in our family very soon, but they will never ever take the place where I hold you in my heart. I miss you, sweet baby, and I love you more than words can say. You are precious and loved.

Four years ago on this day, I had my first-ever ultrasound. We got to see our first and only glimpse of Hannah, our Baby Surprise, in the womb.

One year ago I took another positive pregnancy test - which ended in miscarriage later in the month.

I have been thinking that I might need to resort to taking Zoloft again. I stopped taking it in May, so it's been seven long months.

PPD can be a very dangerous thing, and I'd like to prevent it if I can - but those dark, evil, overwhelming thoughts have been sneaking up on me more and more lately. I'm going to talk to the midwives about it at my next appointment on Tuesday.

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