Tuesday, October 28, 2008

A year ago today....

Oh, Dear, Sweet Baby:

You were due on this day in 2007.
You were the first of my losses, but not the last.

Sometimes, when I am feeling especially bitter, I think about how I should have a one year old crawling around in my house right about now. But sadly, I don't.
It still pains me that you are not with us. I still mourn for you, baby.

I am so very sorry that you never got to meet your parents, your big sister, or your grandparents, or take your first breaths here on earth. You were gone before we got the chance to say hello or goodbye, and it absolutely devastated me. I remember begging and pleading, crying out to God to spare you, and save your live somehow - but you were in His hands, dear Baby, not mine. It seemed so cruel that He would take you away so soon - but I know that He is sovereign, and He has bigger plans for us. Your death, no matter how difficult it was for me to go through, has taught me several valuable lessons, including how to be a better mother.

I have a special birthstone ring on my right hand that I got especially in remembrance of you. It is the one tangible thing that I have of you. I never take it off. (Even though my fingers are now swollen every morning, I still refuse to take it off, along with my wedding rings.)

I miss you every day, little one, and I think of you all the time. I hope that somehow you know that. Whenever I listen to the song "Glory Baby", I cry, and think of you. You are still loved so very much.

Even though a younger brother or sister will be joining our family soon, they will never take the place that you left empty and broken in my heart.

I love you so much, dear one.

Love Forever, Your Mommy.

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