A Funny Thing Happened Yesterday....

I have had exactly twenty-four hours by myself, all alone, in this house.
I thought I would be really sad and lonely, but Im not.
I have moments when I still look around and think "Where is Hannah? Shouldn't she be hanging onto my leg right about now, or sitting on my lap, reading a book? Don't I need to make her dinner now?"

No, not today.

You see, yesterday, while Hannah & I were at a scrapbooking party, Mike called. He has this week off from work, and he was getting cabin fever already. He said "I want to go to Pittsburgh. With Hannah." I was so surprised! I replied "Ok, if that's what you want to do." So we came home, I packed Hannah's shoes and toys and clothes in a small suitcase, and around 6pm, they started driving north. They stayed at my parent's house last night.

I couldn't go, I have other responsibilities here. Like church and babysitting and work and meetings. I had no idea that Mike was going to drop everything and take off on a road trip! But I guess this is payback for all the times I've taken Hannah travelling to visit people without him.

This is definitely a big deal, because Hannah and I have never been away from each other for more than a few hours. Maybe eight hours, max.
I wondered if she would be sad that I wasn't coming, too. Usually it's her daddy who has to stay behind. But no, that girl got into the car, buckled herself into the carseat, hugged me, and waved "Bye Mommy!" until I couldn't see them anymore. No tears, she was perfectly content riding in the car with Daddy. That's good though, it means she feels happy and safe with him. Right?

The best part is that now Daddy gets to work on potty-training Hannah, not me! I head that she did not have any accidents in the car last night or today. Mike didn't tell any of his family or friends that he was coming - he literally just showed up at his parents' front door this afternoon. "SURPRISE!"

What a surprise!

Please pray that they stay safe and healthy and happy up there, and that I don't drive myself crazy here at home alone.

Happy Sunday!

comfort food

This is going to sound completely bizzare, but I just found a new comfort food:
Hot french fries dipped in cold applesauce.

I can't take all the credit, because this delectable dish was actually created by Hannah, who thinks that everything tastes better with applesauce or ketchup on it.... or heck, maybe both!


On a more serious note: I almost got into an accident this afternoon. The roads were slippery and my brakes weren't working so well (plus it didnt help that the white van in front of me only had one working brake light). I stopped inches from someone else's bumper. I truly believe that there were angels watching over me today! Thank God!

Nicole

A random day in my life.

Hannah didnt have ANY accidents yesterday, so after dinner last night, we let her eat a piece of chooclate as a reward.
Today she only had one accident, after dinner tonight. She's doing really well.Tomorrow she has dance class, we'll see how it goes!
We're also getting her new bunk bed tomorrow! (it FINALLY got delivered to the store yesterday.) I hope Mike isnt too tired to put it together this weekend - I am so excited for her, and Ive really been hyping it up! She'll have new sheets and blankets, and Im even getting her new pretty purple curtains that match the bedding. I also rearranged all the furniture in her room the other day, to make things fit better and give her more space to play.

My babysitting family returned from their ski trip last night, so it was back to work for me today. We had fun with the kids. Their almost-five-year-old made up a HILARIOUS song about a little pig looking for food. He and his sister sang and danced together in unison. I wish I'd had my video camera! I guess you would've had to be there - when the parents got home from work and saw the performance, they were doubled-over laughing. Good times.
We also made up a really silly story about "Mike the Ambulance Driver." (sound like someone we might know?) Then it digressed into a weird version of cops and robbers, and by the end of their "book", we were back in medieval times, with knights and horses and castles.
It amazes me, all the things that can go through the mind of a preschooler, just in one afternoon. After that, we pretended to be Superheros, and danced around the living room. No wonder Hannah learned how to sing the Batman theme song by age 2 1/2!
Their grandparents showed up and fed them each 2 huge oatmeal cookies around 5pm. (I was like "Way to go, now they wont eat dinner.") I left as they were putting dinner on the table and the kids were having huge meltdowns. I said "Bye, have a good night!" and Hannah and I drove away, back to our own house.
I joke with them that my job is like renting their kids for the afternoon... and I get paid to play with preschoolers all the time. But even though I like them, Im secretly relieved when I go home and leave them there! Sometimes it's just too much chaos for me. Most days, I am very thankful for Hannah's calmer, quieter personality.


I just finished reading the book "THE PACT" by Jodi Picoult, and it was AMAZING! If you ever get the chance, read this book. I couldn't put it down! Two thumbs up.


Here's to a good weekend for everyone....

Closer to independence

This morning is the first time that I have ever taken a shower while Hannah is awake. In the past, every other time I've tried, she's screamed and cried and thrown a huge fit, and I'd have to wait for DH to come home and take over, or take a shower only after she has gone to bed for the night. But this morning, I told her that I was dirty, and needed to wash my hair. She eyed me curiously as I stripped off my clothes and stepped into the bathtub.
"Are you going to wash your feet too, Mommy?"
Yes Hannah, my whole body needs to be washed.
"oh, ok Mommy."

She calmly sat on the toilet, talking with me the whole eight minutes that I was showering. She asked silly questions, entertained me with some of her made-up nonsense words, and played peek-a-boo from behind the shower curtain. She was so patient and sweet. I was amazed. I hope I can take a morning shower more often! I love how easily she can entertain herself. Right now, Hannah is playing with her dollhouse, setting each accessory and piece of tiny furniture just so.

She's been pooping in the potty for almost a month now, with no messy accidents since the first week of February. And she's had about one week of wearing big girl underwear all day. We're not completely accident-free yet, but I am confident that she will master potty-training very soon.

I love my big girl.

Random happening of the day: DH left his cell phone at home. I hope he doesn't need it at work today.

It's starting to feel more and more like spring. The daffodills are blooming. Yesterday was 72 degrees and breezy. Today it is 70 and sunny, but it just started raining. Kind of bizzare. Maybe it will stop soon, so we can go outside and play?

Better get back to my never-ending to-do-list....

Monday March 3rd: Banana Bread and Babies

It's 4:30 pm. Hannah watches me prepare and measure all the ingredients to make banana bread. Slowly and carefully, she dumps each iten into the big silver mixing bowl. She samples the fruit and chocolate chips as she pours them in. The raisins are her favorite part. She cracks the eggs on the side of the bowl, as she's seen me do a hundred times, then helps me stir it all up. Hannah tastes the mixture, licking it off a fork, and proclaims "yummmm."
I mix the batter again, then say "ok, it's ready", meaning that it's ready to go in the oven. She thinks I mean it's ready to eat. She'd rather eat it now. I turn on the oven light, so that she can see the bread as it bakes.

Now it's 5pm. I say "I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Let's eat some dinner."
I put together rice, cheese, beans, carrots and chicken. Hannah sits at the kitchen table with me. As I'm pouring drinks, she asks "Mommy, is there a tiny baby in your tummy? We're going to have a new baby at our house, right Mommy? But I won't tell anybody, kuz it's a secret."
This is exactly what we told her back in December, at Christmastime, and so far she still doesn't know any different. But it breaks my heart. I feel like I am lying to her, by not telling her the truth. It makes me so sad...

I try to think of how to explain miscarriage to this precious, smart, beautiful little girl who just turned three years old. I think for a minute, watching her. How much should I tell? What will she understand? Is she really listening to me?

I say "Hannah, Mommy is not going to have a new baby right now. The baby that was in Mommy's tummy stopped growing. It's not there anymore."
Still looking down at her plate, she asks the inevitable "Why?"
"The baby stopped growing inside me. Remember when Mommy was very sad?" (Of course. I know she does. She remembers everything.) She nods yes: "You cried in your bed." She pauses, thinks for a moment. "Was the baby in your bed?"
"No Hannah, the baby ...is not here. It stopped growing."
I went on to say something about how we would love to have another baby, and I would tell her when it was time, but we might have to wait awhile longer. She didn't ask anymore questions, and went back to eating her dinner.

I wish I knew what she was really thinking.
What a conversation to have with a three year old.
But I felt that I needed to tell her. She deserves to know the truth. I want to be honest with her. I cannot lie to my child... but I don't want to hurt her or scare her, either.

Later, I wanted to tell DH about this conversation. He asked why I had even brought it up with Hannah. Before I could tell him much of anything, he said "Why did you do that? I think you told her too much." He did not know that she remembers, that she's been asking me about it every day or two, mentioning my pregnancy at random times throughout the week. He wondered at our daughter's memory, and seemed apologetic that I was upset by this. He didn't know.

My heart aches.