Six years ago, she was a one-month-old baby fighting for her life.
Exactly six years ago at this time, she stopped breathing in her daddy's arms, in the middle of an ER triage room. Six years ago she was hospitalized with a near-fatal case of RSV. For seven days she fought as hard as she could.... ripping out IV lines and monitor leads, crying silent screams through her air vent, sucking up nutrients through a tiny... until the infection cleared up and left her little body. We spent 3 additional days in a step-down care unit, and ten days later, we got to come home. Finally!
They were the ten absolute worst days of my life. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it, all of the stress and monitors and sleeping in a hospital chair for a week, sitting in the corner, pumping ever 3 hours... Initially, it took them about 36 hours to get back test results and figure out what exactly was wrong, why she was so sick. So they immediately pumped her full of (completely unnecessary, ineffective) antibiotics. For the first 3 or 4 days, there were a lot of ups and downs, and we simply weren't sure if she would pull through. And I had never been away from Hannah for more than one night, let alone a week and a half. It was torture for all of us.
It could have been fatal. There could have been quite few other ways that the story ended. By the time we left the hospital, I was 6 weeks post-partum, and feeling more emotional than I had been in the first place! I could have focused on the what-ifs, could have second-guessed our decisions with the medical teams, could have wondered and worried about what would have happened if we had driven to the hospital just a few minutes or an hour later. But I had to put the doubts out of my mind, and we chose not to focus on all of those things - because they didn't really happen. She was ok. She survived.