This week, I am in a sad place. I spend the hours trying not to cry, holding it in, feeling numb, watching the clock move slowly, slowly, towards bedtime and quietness again. Then the quietness is deafening and lonely, Still, I relish the selfish chance I get during the night hours to be still; I revel in the moments when I have to care for no one but myself. Until the morning comes again, and my little human alarm clocks start the day for me all over.
Lately, I have been feeling like I'm living in the Bible book of Ecclesiastes: "Meaningless! Everything under the sun is useless." Is anything I do WORTH something to anyone else around here? Does it have eternal value, or a fleeting value? I've had quite a few disappointments this week. Sometimes it feels like I should have a nice pity party for myself. But I can't! I don't have the chance to take a shower, or eat food while it's still hot, or sit on the couch without being mobbed, much less process and grieve my losses.
I am in this sad place, but I know that my circumstances are not the end. My circumstances change daily or hourly or weekly. I know that we need to praise in the good times and the bad, not just when we feel like it. So I press on, and I cling to the hope of what is good and pure and right, and I continue to try to do the next thing that God has put before me.
Check back next time for a lesson on Ecclesiastes 5:4-5.
1 comment:
Just found your blog... Oh sweet friend! You are doing a holy and wonderful work! Don't believe the lies of Satan. This mom thing is hard, but that doesn't mean it's worthless. You are precious and so very needed.
I recommend www.sallyclarkson.com for good mom-reading. :)
(We are in the process of becoming foster parents ourselves. )
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