Friday, January 29, 2010


I love my girls so much, and I am so thankful that I get to be a stay-at-home mom right now. But I am run-down. I give all I can to them, and don't have enough time at the end of the day to properly care for myself (let along washing things, household chores, paying bills, etc). Just feeding Aliah is a full-time job in itself! I find myself eating granola bars or chocolate milk as meals, sometimes pbj sandwiches - whatever I can grab and consume with one hand. And more often than not, remembering to take my vitamins and meds is a forgotten habit that I just can't seem to get going again.

Right now Mike is working as many overtime shifts as he can, just to ensure that we can pay all our bills and put food on the table. He is severely stressed and burned-out. He never gives himself a break.

This morning, after I had been up all night long with Hannah, who was refusing to go to sleep and insisting on interrupting my sleep-time every hour or two, Mike came home ranting about having to get a new driver's license, and how he couldn't find some important papers.... Ok yeah, the papers were important to him, but it was not necessary to wake up everyone else in the house at 8am. He acts so angry and aggressive, and I don't just mean sometimes. He doesn't have time for a hobby with his insane work schedule, so he ends up taking it out on me. It's not fair, and I'm not trying to make excuses for him... That's just what happens.

Something has got to give, but I am scared about what exactly that will be, and what it will look like.

In the meantime, we have lots of birthdays to celebrate over the next 3 weeks.
Mike is turning thirty this weekend. He is feeling really, really old.
I told him that for my birthday, I want two hours by myself. With NO interruptions. I Need Me Time. We'll see if that happens.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Today at church, our pastor mentioned a book about prayer. The author said that his autistic daughter took her first steps at age three and he and his wife celebrated their child's accomplishments.

They weren't upset that her first steps came much later than expected. They celebrated with her where she was.

He went on to say that this is the Gospel to us. That when we come before him - a complete mess - that He just wants to rejoice with us when we come to Him and ask for help and grace just as a young child would come before her mother - not trying to find the perfect words, but coming with the mess and frustration that she is experiencing. He said as parents, we just love our kids where they are and that's how God is.

My pastor went on to say that at the end of his week, he experienced something (the official buying of land to build our church building on) that should have brought him joy and instead he was overwhelmed with all the many details that were to follow this good news. The work ahead seemed overwhelming to him and it seemed to overshadow the joy he should have felt for this exciting news.

He felt confused and wasn't sure how to come to God. All his attempts at clear, direct prayer was coming out in jumbled confusion and frustration.

When he read the passage of the book I mentioned, he said he went into his study and just started coming to God with his mess instead of trying to make eloquent prayer requests. And, as he did, God met him and he was able to enter into the joy of the Lord once again.

So... just wanted to let you know... God wants to hear all about the mess. Let loose and cry out to Him. He's big and can handle it. He loves you!

Praying for you today,