Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Depressed.

I have PPD again. I am not surprised. ((Actually, I thought it would have kicked in sooner, like in February, when Aliah was so sick.)) But I am kind of worried, wondering how we will afford to get me the help I need.

Anyway, as of Monday, I am back on Zoloft again. I am so tired of putting on a happy face and trying to act like Im fine, because Im not. I am frustrated and fed-up and feeling guilty about every little thing I do. And I can't keep taking it out on the people closest to me. It is not fair to my family and it is not fair to myself.

Yesterday was terrible. We were scheduled to do nothing, but by lunchtime I had a houseful of FIVE kids! It was a really really really long day. We didnt get home from babysitting drop-off until 5:45, then I had to lead MOPS at 6:30 - and only one other person showed up. Bust.

To top it off, Hannah now has a really awful case of diarhea. Poor girl! I feel terrible for her and Mike is really paraniod that she will get Aliah sick again. Do you know how impossible it is to keep two children away from each other when you only live in a 1100-square-foot house?

5 comments:

HeatherV said...

Will be praying for you PPD.
Sorry you are going through it but glad you are able to get some help and know what you are going through.

Hadassah said...

Oh I feel you

Another Muggle said...

My sister got that when she had her son and from seeing what she went through it must be awful. She used to pretend that she was ok all of the time and she always felt worried that she was doing something wrong.

I hope you can get the help that you need :)

Hayley

Kimmygintx said...

{{HUGS}} and prayers to you!

Krissy said...

Man, Nicole! I am so sorry you are going through this, but glad you are getting help and being real. Hang in there! You are a rocking mom, even if you don't feel like it every second of every day.