Pleasantly Surprised

We just spent a week, me and the kids, visiting with my family. When we got home, I was pleasantly surprised to see the things Mike had done around the house while we were gone. He vacuumed, which is ALWAYS appreciated :) He also bought a giant tv, which I wasn't so excited about... but in the process he rearranged the furniture in the living room, giving us more floor space. And it is a really nice bonus that we can watch the Olympics on tv, instead of just seeing tiny video clips online. But the best thing my husband did while we were gone: hang pictures on the walls! Our previously bare walls are now so nice-looking! I LOVE it! I had two huge boxes full of picture frames sitting in a corner of the living room and was overwhelmed at the idea of hanging them up. The task was just too daunting for me. Plus I'm not so great with a hammer, and was likely to whack my thumb or mistakenly make a giant hole in the wall where a nail should go. He even created "themes": family pics in the living room, landscapes in the guest room, a nautical/beach theme upstairs in the hallway, duckies in the kids' bathroom, and wedding portraits in our room. He arranged everything so nicely. Good job, honey, thank you.

I am overworked, underpaid, overtired, and completely unappreciated.
Mike has been working night shift and today he was especially exhausted.

This morning he "wanted to vent" and spent an hour complaining. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and let it slide. I tried to look past how tired he was and just nod and go about my day. Feeding children, laundry, dishes, toys, etc.

This afternoon he treated me really poorly, verging on verbal abuse. After 20 minutes of sobbing, I got an apology. I've been fighting not to cry ever since. He wonders why I get depressed - maybe it's because I am made to feel worthless. I know that my worth as a person should come from God, not anyone else. I know HE thinks I am cherished. But when your spouse acts as if you are a lazy irresponsible disrespectful wife & mother, it kind of colors the rest of your day. I know he loves me, but some days he has a totally awful way of showing it.

He says he is trying to make our home perfect. I tell him at this point that's completely unnecessary. We only moved 2 weeks ago. I am totally ok with boxes hiding behind the couch, clothes not put away, nothing hung on the walls. What in the world does he expect?!?

I don't want it to sound like Mike is always terrible to me.
I don't want to make excuses for him either.
I can't figure him out.

Inspections and repairs.

Today we did inspections on the new house, and got back the inspection report for our little brown house. Mike is now completely stressed and overwhelmed at the amount of expensive repairs they are asking us to complete.... within the next 2-4 weeks. It's completely ridiculous. If you don't want to do any repairs, then don't try to buy a 32 year old house!

He actually said something like "Maybe we should just give up on the whole thing and walk away. Stay here for another year, do those major repairs bit by bit, and try to sell the house again next spring." Hopefully in a couple months we will be laughing at those words. I highly doubt that just giving up and not moving is the right answer. I don't know why he'd want to give up on the whole thing. But they are asking for some completely ludicrous repairs: replacing ALL the siding on the house? New windows and windowseals everywhere? Incorrect brace sizes on the deck and treehouse? And something about our AC not working properly (the unit was replaced in 2009!). SO many tedious things... Ugh it makes tired just thinking about all the money it would take to do what they are asking. There's just no way.

I love my husband, but sometimes he is just too headstrong.
Why would he give up now?
Who says we have to do any repairs, really?
Don't you get what you pay for?!

New house?

This morning we officially put in an offer on a new house, the one we've been referring to as "Mike's favorite house" for the past three weeks. Twelve hours later, at 9pm, we finally hear back from the sellers. The realtor tells us that they aren't willing to budge on the asking price. This house has been on the market for OVER 300 DAYS! You'd expect them to be willing to work with us. What happens if Mike's dream house is $5,000 more than we think we can afford? What does that mean, and where does it leave us?

Throughout this whole house-hunting process, I have been praying for wisdom and hoping that we don't become selfish or greedy by asking for too much. I am still hoping and praying for these things, but even more so now that I'm realizing how quickly things can change. I am trying hard to go in the direction that God has mapped out for me and my family. But this mission is especially difficult when Mike and I are convinced that we should be going completely separate ways!

Money comes and goes so fast... I don't want to have to focus on it. I want us to put time and energy and resources into things that have lasting value. Like children. New generations of kids growing up to love God and each other and the world around them. Church planting and kingdom building. Sharing the truth of God's love with friends as well as strangers. Memories and unique experiences. The kind of things that are really priceless.

"It's showtime."

We have had five showings since Sunday and I have been running ragged, completely stressed out and impatient, because I have to keep the house spotless and ready to be shown at any time. Even if it's the middle of mealtime, even if someone is sick, no matter who might be sleeping or how many kids are at my house, I have to be ready to pick up and leave at a moment's notice. And wash every fingerprint off the windows, and hide every toy and crumb and dirty item of clothing or shoes, and clean up every speck of dust, too. Then lock every door, shove the kids in the car, and go. Somewhere, I don't know where, just... away. Then come home and find something to do that doesn't involve too much mess or loud noise, and isn't something that I've already packed away and put into storage. It is really wearing on me. To the point that I am becoming Mean Mommy and Whiny Wife.

Fortunately, God answers prayers, because I won't be doing that ANY MORE!!!
This morning we woke up to the news that BOTH of the potential sellers who toured our house yesterday have made an offer to buy our little house. One of them is willing to pay full price, no stipulations, no questions asked. It's only been on the market for sixteen days! This is so amazing. We'll be working out all the details throughout the day, but in the meantime, I think it's safe to say: WE HAVE A BUYER!!!

Thank you God, for hearing and answering our prayers.
I'm excited to find our new home, and see what God has in store for us at this new place.
I will continue to pray for wisdom as Mike and I make big decisions in the days ahead.

Cleaning and Expecting

For the last three days, I have gotten up two hours early and spent that time cleaning, scrubbing, washing, organizing, discarding, and putting things away properly. Along the way I am sometimes thanking God and preparing for our day, but my thoughts and motives are primarily about getting our house to look spotless for any unexpected visitors that might want a tour of our home.

Then the kids wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast.... while I am frantically going behind them and cleaning up every crumb, speck of dust, each dropped sock or toy or out-of-place Lego piece, etc. A friend walked into this house yesterday and said "Wow. This place doesn't even really look lived-in." Well believe me lady, we are still living here. It just takes a ton of work to make it look like we don't.

Now it's 2pm on Saturday and I keep expecting a phone call, but no one has called about the house since Monday morning. Am I anxious and expectant? Am I too impatient? I think the correct answer is "yes."

I think I am expecting God to meet MY goals on MY timeline, instead of waiting for Him to do His work.

I am still convinced that He has big plans for our family, plans that involved sacrifice and change, but Mike isn't quite seeing the same big picture as me (yet?). Right now he is convinced that moving to the next county, rather than staying in Durham, and "sacrificing" by staying at a job that he doesn't really like, is the sacrifice I must be talking about. And he thinks the "big plans" and "change" must refer to the foster care & adoption classes we plan to take later this year. Even though these are changes and plans, I think that God is asking something more than that from our family. I'm just not able to explain it in words or see it clearly yet.

I need to trust in God's good plans for us, and rest in the promise that they are better than anything I can dream up on my own.

On that note, I'm going to go read Proverbs 3 now, while the little kids are still taking a nap.

If you read this, reply by telling me what you're doing this weekend.