dirty windows

To be honest, cleaning windows is something that I don't do very often.

I'm not great at scheduling household chores on a daily or weekly basis (or scheduling in general, for that matter. But that's another story). In fact, last week I swallowed my pride so that friends could minister to me by cleaning some of the more neglected, harder-to-reach places in my home. I thought it would be insanely uncomfortable, the idea of a friend coming over to clean my house.  ("I mean really, what does that say about me and my housework?! How will these people view me if they REALLY know how dusty and dirty it is under the stove?! Oh no, she is wanting to fold my laundry! She might see someone's undies! How embarrassing!!" etc. These were the thoughts in my head.) But despite my doubts and misgivings, I let them come over and help clean my house. It was like a cleaning party! All the kids helped too, wherever they could reach. And it wasn't really awkward or uncomfortable at all. It was good, all of us working together. Plus, I don't remember the last time my bathrooms smelled so nice :)

Anyway, back to the windows. My kids have special window markers, and we let them color all over the windows at our house. I have been known to leave their drawings and window stickers and other artistic tendencies up on the walls and windows for months or maybe a year or two at a time. But yesterday, I cleaned the windows and wiped off their artwork. Except... I just couldn't erase this one window pane.

The particular little person who drew this has made a big impression on me, and I can't seem to erase it until I know the direction that God has for them in the next chapter of their life.

Cleaning and Expecting

For the last three days, I have gotten up two hours early and spent that time cleaning, scrubbing, washing, organizing, discarding, and putting things away properly. Along the way I am sometimes thanking God and preparing for our day, but my thoughts and motives are primarily about getting our house to look spotless for any unexpected visitors that might want a tour of our home.

Then the kids wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast.... while I am frantically going behind them and cleaning up every crumb, speck of dust, each dropped sock or toy or out-of-place Lego piece, etc. A friend walked into this house yesterday and said "Wow. This place doesn't even really look lived-in." Well believe me lady, we are still living here. It just takes a ton of work to make it look like we don't.

Now it's 2pm on Saturday and I keep expecting a phone call, but no one has called about the house since Monday morning. Am I anxious and expectant? Am I too impatient? I think the correct answer is "yes."

I think I am expecting God to meet MY goals on MY timeline, instead of waiting for Him to do His work.

I am still convinced that He has big plans for our family, plans that involved sacrifice and change, but Mike isn't quite seeing the same big picture as me (yet?). Right now he is convinced that moving to the next county, rather than staying in Durham, and "sacrificing" by staying at a job that he doesn't really like, is the sacrifice I must be talking about. And he thinks the "big plans" and "change" must refer to the foster care & adoption classes we plan to take later this year. Even though these are changes and plans, I think that God is asking something more than that from our family. I'm just not able to explain it in words or see it clearly yet.

I need to trust in God's good plans for us, and rest in the promise that they are better than anything I can dream up on my own.

On that note, I'm going to go read Proverbs 3 now, while the little kids are still taking a nap.

If you read this, reply by telling me what you're doing this weekend.

Homeschooling, and Hannah says....

Quote of the day from Hannah: "Can that be my chore, Mommy? Sweeping the floor in the kitchen, AND cleaning my room, AND putting all my things away? That would be a good help, wouldn't it?"

She really likes to have ownership of things. We have had a fish tank with goldfish for years, but this week she suddenly decided that they are "her" pets.

We had a rough day as far as homeschooling goes. After lunch (which is what we usually do, focus on schoolwork when Aliah is sleeping in the afternoon), around 12:30 I began to attempt her lessons for the day. It took her until 5:30 (FIVE HOURS!!!) to do the work that I asked her to do. She screaming, kicked, cried, whined, fought, slammed doors.... it was really terrible. I definitely lost my patience. But somehow, at the end, she still managed to learn. So I guess it wasnt a completely bad day.

Meanwhile, Aliah is talking up a storm, learning several new words each day. Today she put together almost a complete sentence: "read a book." Well, when she says it, it sounds more like "weeda bock", but you get the idea :) She can also say "I swing" (pronounced without an "s", of course, so that it sounds like "I Wiii!").

After dinner and playing in the yard, I gave the kids a bath (since Aliah was still covered in a grimy crust of chicken and mac-n-cheese from dinner). Hannah LOVES taking a bath with her little sister, but she really hates getting clean, especially the washing-her-hair part. I am wondering how much longer they will be able to bathe together, before it begins to get too awkward, and Hannah starts to want more privacy.

Cleaning, church hunting.

This morning at church we took a congregational survey. The objective is to find areas of weakness, improve on them, and help the church to grow. It will be interesting to see the results. Mike and I are dissatisfied with our current church leadership. For this and other varying reasons, I will be church hunting next Sunday.

I have been doing quite a lot of praying and soul-searching over the past few weeks. I feel that God is trying to push me in a new direction, but I'm having a really difficult time determining precisely what He wants me to be doing. Should I continue leading MOPS? Should I keep serving moms and children? Am I missing something???

Cleaning is such a losing battle. I have mountains of laundry to fold. My Granny is coming to visit this week, beginning tomorrow, and Mike is constantly nagging me to "clean something." I know that not everything in our house is spotless, but I wish he'd be a little more specific. What exactly bothers him so much?

I hope this visit with Granny goes well. There always seems to be a lot of tension whenever we are around her for any length of time.

Another week gone by

Many thanks to everyone who responded.
Its been one week since I started taking Zoloft, and although I dont feel any changes yet, I do feel that something is going to give soon. I keep praying that I can hold myself together, with God as my strength.

We got home late last night from a whirlwind trip to Pittsburgh. Aliah absolutely HATED sitting in her carseat for nine hours. But we got to meet our new nephew, Baby Alex, who is totally adorable, and spend a few days with Mike's family. We even saw some snow yesterday!

I will upload pictures later. Tonight our friends Matt & Laura are coming to stay with us for Easter, and the house is a wreck! I've already done 3 loads of laundry and washed the dishes, but there are still a hundred other things to finish. I just told Mike: "I refuse to change out of my pjs until I get to take a shower!" He's out buying groceries for me right now, so that I dont have to lug both cranky kids through the store. Meanwhile, Hannah is doing an excellent job of distracting the baby so that I can fold laundry and clean the bathroom.... here I go again.

so many visitors

We have gotten a plethora of phone calls and cards in the mail, from all different places, all wishing us well. It's so nice to know that so many people are thinking of us and praying for us! THANK YOU!
Our church friends have been so kind and helpful. They gave us a beautiful flower arrangement when Aliah and I came home from the hospital. And they've been bringing us meals all week, which we very much appreciate.

My brother is visiting the east coast from his new home in California. He hasn't met Aliah yet, so my dad is driving with him to our house this weekend. They should be here in an hour or two. Just for one night (my father is very understanding, and great at not overstaying his welcome). Then, Mike's parents are arriving here Saturday, on their way home from Florida (I dont know how many days they will stay).
There is also an overbearing grandparent who wants to spend an entire week with us. I think that's a bit much. I truly love our family, but entertaining and feeding so many people will be absolutely exhausting!

Plus, to make it even more interesting, Mike starts working again tonight.
I think it's going to be a loooong weekend.

Honestly, all I want to do these days is take a nap. But that's impossible when you have an active four-year-old running around your house (poor Hannah). Right now, Hannah is floating water toys inside the bathroom sink.

I have to go; I need to clean more before everyone gets here!

Cleaning. New Deck.

Mike just finished "phase one" of the deck. It's not painted yet, but all the floorboards are securely nailed into place. That's good enough for me!
Now he is cutting the grass. I love days when we are productive.

Our pastor and his family are coming over for dinner tonight, which is the perfect excuse for me to do some extra cleaning. Honestly, not because I want to impress them (c'mon, we all have kids, and I saw their house at it's worst, the day they moved in!), but because it's a great excuse to clean things that I haven't touched in awhile. Like bathroom cabinets and floors. Or the never-ending pile of clean, unfolded laundry that always accumulates next to my bed.
And dusting. I hate it, but no one else will do it. I have no idea the last time we cleaned off Hannah's train table, or her play kitchen. And I found lots of dust bunnies (and some ants, yuck!) hiding in the corners of our kitchen. How did they get there?

Ok, back to folding clothes.
Have a good day! :)