How many kids do you have? Are you done having babies?

I felt that I needed to share this today.
This other mom's post reminded and convicted me that 1) God has a different plan for each of us, 2) there is a God-ordained reason why each of our families and each of our stories are different, and 3) that we should encourage and celebrate these differences, instead of acting as if we are in constant competition with one another.

And as for the size of your family, it is really is up to you, your husband (if applicable), and God.

For quite a few years, I thought that God was only going to give us one child. Even though my season of miscarriages happened over 7 years ago, I still remember the sting when people would ask "So, how many kids do you have?" or "How many would you like to have?"

Over the past 13 years, beginning with our engagement, Mike and I have spent many hours talking and dreaming and imagining and preparing for what we thought our family might be like. We've been through tough times and have had to make some difficult decisions as to whether or not we should limit our family size. Through an unexpected and high-risk pregnancy, secondary infertility, several back-to-back miscarriages, a baby in ICU, 2 kids under 2, losing a dear friend to SIDs and another friend to stillbirth, and now foster parenting, we seem to have run the gamut of issues faced during the "early family" years.

In this stage of our lives, some people wonder why we have more than 2 or 3 children, and some people seem to expect us to keep adding to our family indefinitely. Either way, I hope that we would not be judged about our family's size, and I would hope that no one else feels judged by their family size either.

We are not in competition with each other. Instead, we need to live in community, with compassion.

Here's the heart of the matter, an excerpt from the original post, and it is exactly what I needed to hear today:

"And so the question for me... and for you, is this:

Can we lay it at the altar?  Can we trust in the outcome being glorious no matter what? Can we relinquish control?

Can we walk into the next season with thanksgiving for the baby years? Can we be content in today?

Because if that is what God is asking, go in obedience. And go in grace."

Here's the link to the full article: http://thehumbledhomemaker.com/2014/11/done-having-babies.html

Labor Day

I know several people with birthdays at the beginning of September.
My MIL has one. Mike's brother, one of the kids' uncles, has a birthday this week.
MIL was telling me how it took over 48 hours of contractions before labor really got started.

And it made me think of my own birth stories. I love how each of our children begin in different ways, right down to the day and hour and manner in which they are born.It is just another way that proves how God is in the details of our lives, both big and small.

Sometimes I need to just sit still and remember all the details that He has orchestrated for me.

If you have a Labor Day story (or more than one!), I'd love to hear it.
You can reply here or send me a message.

The bumper sticker

Halfway home from church today, I noticed the car in front of me had a few bumper stickers on it. There was a small sticker that had an immeasurable impact. It had the image of a baby's profile, and it said something like "Abortion stops my heart from beating."

I saw the image, read those words, and it triggered something in me.  The blood drained from my face. I went into a kind of cold shock.  I was fighting back tears the rest of the way home. I bit my lip so hard (so that the kids wouldn't hear me crying or ask any questions; I couldn't have handled that) that I tasted blood.

You've probably seen a similar sticker on someone's vehicle, and you're probably wondering: Why did a seemingly common bumper sticker affect me in this way? Because it was personal. A little more than two years ago, someone close to me made the choice to abort a baby. It was a selfish choice, but a costly one, and one that was made of her own free will. She didn't share this with me until almost a year later. I suspect that she was sad and ashamed, but she never expressed that to me. She acted as if pregnancy was a huge, life-changing inconvenience (I agree, it can be). She told me she felt that it was her only option.

The truth is, abortion is never the only option. That baby could have been adopted. He or she would have lived and thrived if given the chance at life. If I had known the circumstances, I would have lovingly and gladly taken the baby and raised it as my own (would have been a few months older than Noah.) But prenatal children are not able to make choices for themselves. They are at the mercy of God and their parent(s). They can feel, they can see and hear, touch, taste, and smell, but they cannot chose to be carried to term. They can't object when someone chooses to abruptly end their own life.

It makes me so very sad, that there are so many babies who are unable to take their first breath, because someone made the choice to end their life prematurely.

35 weeks pregnant.

Tomorow (or is it Saturday?)I will be 35 weeks pregnant. The average size of a baby at this point is a little over five pounds, and about 18 inches long. I predict that this baby will be slightly bigger than average, closer to eight pounds than seven, but probably not as huge as Monster Baby Aliah.

Right now Hannah is sitting in her room, trying to teach Aliah her ABCs.
So far, Aliah can say something that sounds like "H-I-J-K..." over and over again.

And here is how Im REALLY feeling: Im almost 35 weeks.... getting closer to full-term! I am not miserably uncomfortable yet. I dont want to be one of those whiny, complaining women who beg the baby to hurry up and get here, who want the pregnancy to be over already - I truly do not mind being pregnant. But this last week has been one of the hardest, physically. I dont want to eat very much because my stomach is being squished by the baby and all the other organs and things moving around in there... Im eating at least 4-6 Tums everyday to try to combat the heartburn. The pain in my legs and hips is mostly gone, and only bothers me first thing in the morning, so that's good. Im happy about that! But it is being replaced by backaches during the day, and charlie-horse leg cramps while Im trying to sleep at night. Ive been having cramps and BHC off and on for the past 3 weeks.... at first I noticed it a few times a week, but now its definitely every day. The cramps are getting more painful and intense, and they happen most often at night - again, when Im trying to sleep! Not much sleep these days has me feeling like a zombie sometimes. Fortunately Mike actually has this weekend off, so I am looking forward to a little extra rest in the next couple days.

My 35 wk check-up is on Tuesday, so I might have something else to report to you by then. But it will probably be the same old stuff... minimal weight gain (Im really not eating much these days at all, its all baby doing the growing in there!), healthy baby, steady heartbeat, low bp - hopefully nothing too exciting. In the meantime, Im just gonna sit on the couch and watch Aliah put every single toy that we own onto the living room floor. Oh my, all those puzzle pieces and matchbox cars.... ugh, and more cramps.

I survived the three-hour glucose test. This included starving myself and my unborn child for a total of 18 hours with absolutely no food or drink (except water, which I hate), and getting pricked not one or two, but TWELVE times total. Twice in each arm, twice in each hand, and twice in my upper arm, too.

For the first hour, I walked. I found a park nearby, and went about 3 miles before I had to go back and get another blood draw. For the next two hours, I read a novel and wrote in my pregnancy journal.

Now I wait until the morning for the results.
Hopefully I DONT have gestational diabetes.

Almost 28 weeks.

So, in the morning I will officially be 28 weeks pregnant. This feels like a very big milestone to me, since it is the beginning of the third trimester, and also for the fact that I was born around 27 or 28 weeks myself. I know that I am a survivor, and I am confident that this baby will be, too.



This morning I had my 28-week check-up, including the glucose screening test. Weight gain was fine, even "acceptable" to the midwife who gave me a hard time about my last weigh-in. Blood pressure was low, and continues to get a little lower every month, which is amazing to me, considering that I have a history of pre-eclampsia. Baby's heart-rate is continually in the 150s, very good, and the baby actually kicked the doppler monitor twice while the midwife was examining me, so we definitely have an active baby. Uterus measured in at 28 cm, exactly where it should be. I have been feeling perfectly fine, and didnt have any questions or concerns to bring up with the midwife team. The only problem was that it took three tries for them to get a blood draw on me (I know, my veins are awful), and the final stick was actually in my HAND. I havent had a needle stuck into my hand for years and years and years.



I thought everything was going great... until one of the nurses called this afternoon with my lab results. Im anemic now (last time I wasnt!), I have low calcium and vitamin d levels, and my thyroid is out-of-whack again! And to top it all off, I failed the glucose screening test. Boooo! I am not particularly worried, and nobody else seems concerned yet either. So far, it will just be a pain to fast all night and half the morning, drink more of that yucky orange stuff, and twiddle my thumbs for at least 3 hours while they have a good old time sticking my poor tiny veins with needles. Anyways, in 7 more days I will know whether or not I actually do have gestational diabetes. I am SUCH a carboholic, and I definitely have a sweet tooth. I have no idea how I will be able to curb my diet, if I do have GD!



Now I am off to google more about gestational diabetes, its signs, symptoms, complications and treatments... the internet can be kind of a dangerous thing in that regard.

"You're a great mom"

Tonight I ran into someone I hadn't seen all summer. I thought I was wearing what was, to me, an obvious maternity shirt, but she was so excited to see me that apparently she didn't notice my "Eating for Two" shirt, or my growing belly. When she asked about my girls and I mentioned that we were having #3 in November, she was genuinely surprised. But what she said was so sweet. "You're such a great mom. I'm so glad to hear that you're having another baby! I know you'll do a really good job." Then after some baby-talk, she went on to say "...Are the girls excited? What's new with Hannah?" ect. and we continued to talk for a few more minutes. I'm really glad that I saw her tonight.

There are a lot of days when I don't feel like a good mommy, when I feel like a failure, when I get tired and frustrated, or feel like I am not doing my best. But what she said was really nice and encouraging. And it helps to know that she isn't the only one who thinks more highly of me than I do of myself.

Baby Names...

I just made a fun baby name list. You can click here to vote on the choices: http://www.babynames.com/namelist/9769941

I cant promise that Mike likes any of them, but that's ok... It's just for fun. We won't make the final decision until Delivery Day! Who knows, I might find a totally different name that I love by then. Less than four months to go!

RLS during pregnancy?

RLS is short for Restless Leg Syndrome. I have it now, during pregnancy, and there's not much I can do to alleviate it. This means that I toss and turn a lot, it's difficult for me to feel comfortable in any position, even when lying in bed, and I don't get much rest. It takes hours and hours for me to fall asleep. During the day, my feet and legs swell and tire easily. I spend most of my afternoons on the couch, sipping water and being thankful for air-conditioning.

Typical pregnant person, huh?
Still, I like being pregnant, RLS and all.
At least I know it will come to an end eventually!

Christmas Day.

Merry Christmas to you and your family! I hope you had a wonderful day, celebrating Jesus' birthday!



We had a nice quiet day at home, just the three of us.
Hannah had a blast opening all her gifts.

She couldn't decide what to play with next!

She also asked me at least a dozen times: "it's Christmastime, why isnt the baby here? When is Baby coming? Soon?" Try explaining a "late" baby to a three-year-old!
Later that night, she asked "Will Baby be here in the morning?"
I told her that I don't know, we just have to wait and see.

Mike did an amazing job of cooking a turkey dinner (which he and Hannah thoroughly enjoyed eating!), as well as stuffing, gravy, mashed potatoes, crescent rolls, sweet potatoes, corn and green beans. I "helped" by staying out of his way, and making a fresh veggie salad (which didnt even get eaten!).
I didn't eat much; my stomach is really squished these days - but I did clean up the kitchen mess for him afterwards. We skipped baking a pie and just ate Christmas cookies for dessert instead... we still have dozens of them all around the house. And how did we get so many candy canes?

After that, we sat around and watched classic Christmas movies, like Frosty and Rudolph and A Christmas Carol. We were just really lazy.
At Hannah's bedtime, we read the story of Jesus' birth from Luke chapter 2. It is a longstanding tradition that I want to continue with my own little family.

Overall I am feeling pretty good, just tired and not sleeping well. Trying to go for long walks and get plenty of exercise, not just sit around on the couch. It is difficult for me to be patient and wait for this baby to come out, but I really am trying!

Can this belly get any bigger? 40 weeks pregnant and counting...

Christmas Eve night. We were so tired! We walked at the park for 2 hours that day!

Merry Christmas Eve! 40 weeks pregnant.

Today is my due date, and I have to admit that I am a little disappointed that we aren't having a baby right now. I know that God's timing is much better than mine, but still, I'm finding it difficult to be patient and wait.

Still not sleeping well. This morning I slept from 12:30-5:30 am, then got up and went for a two-mile walk. I've been doing things like that a lot lately. Sometimes I'll do yoga or pilates too. My mother insists on saying that enough exercise will get this baby out. I don't know that for sure, but I'm willing to try it.

Had another doctor's appointment this morning. Everyone in the office was in such a cheery mood! I have lost one pound since last week. My bp is still borderline high.

They checked me internally (FINALLY!). I am about 2cm dilated. Baby is still head-down, but not fully engaged. I've been having some cramps and aches and pains, but no regular contractions. Now we just wait and see what happens over the next week or so.

We had to schedule an induction today, just in case: spots fill up really quickly, and they wanted to make sure that I would have a place if we need it. I would rather NOT have to be induced, but we'll see. If I don't go into labor on my own by 41.5 weeks, then I will be induced on January 2nd. So, there is an end in sight.

Come on out Baby, we can't wait to meet you!

39.5 weeks - Ready to go!

On Saturday night I was swollen, getting dizzy and having vision distrubances. My blood pressure spiked to 148/95. I was scared for a little while, but I laid down on my left side and called the nurse advice hotline, to see what they suggest I do. Mike checked my bp a few more times, and within an hour it had gone back down to 136/72, so we didnt have to go to the hospital.

My next appt is Christmas Eve at 10am. I am still very much hoping to have a baby this week, even though it looks and feels as if no progress is being made. Our bags are packed, the infant carseats are installed in my car and the minivan - we're ready for a baby!

I keep having dreams that this baby is a boy. I am also have disturbing dreams that something will go terribly wrong during delivery. I continue to pray for strength and patience during these last few days of pregnancy.

Mike's youngest brother, my brother-in-law, suddenly decided to visit us this weekend. He's never been to our house in NC before. It's really sweet, that's he's made this trip all by himself. He is one of Hannah's "fun" uncles - he is finishing his last year of college, and is just like a big kid. We keep joking that we're going to have the baby while he's here, and make him babysit Hannah while I'm in the hospital. He would have absolutely no idea how to take care of her! He is driving back to Pittsburgh on Wednesday.

38 weeks

I'm 38 weeks pregnant now.
Baby and I are both healthy and doing well.
I am feeling fine, just tired, because I can't sleep well.
And of course I'm hungry every hour, but that's nothing new.

I just finished wrapping alllll the Christmas gifts. It feels really nice to be done with that. I've been trying to finish up all my little lists of errands and crafts and cleaning projects and things that need to be done before the baby comes, and there isn't too much more to do. Making progress! It helps me to do a little bit at a time, so that I don't get too overwhelmed.
My current list: drop-off Goodwill donations, organize Hannah's and New Baby's closets, install the infant carseat into my car. And start writing Christmas cards, maybe?

Today will be my last day of babysitting. I didn't realize it, but I've worked quite a bit since Thanksgiving - I made $350 in the last 2 weeks! Nice.
Yesterday I helped the kids make Christmas ornaments for their parents and grandparents. It was a simple project, but they had such a great time! And it really impressed their parents, too. I try to tell them that I love doing activities like that with the kids, but they act like it's "so much work". Whatever.

Yesterday was Mike's last day of work, now he has SIX WEEKS of vacation time! He doesn't have to go back until the end of January! I think he might drive me crazy, sitting at home for the next two weeks... but it will be so nice to spend lots of quality family time together. I know it will be good for Hannah - she loves her daddy, and misses him "so very much" when he's working all the time.

Mike's parents will be visiting us this weekend. We'll celebrate Christmas with them on Monday. They were joking with me about how there's a full moon this weekend, so maybe I could have the baby while they're here? I could, but it doesn't seem likely at this point.

I am getting really tired of answering "When are you due?" and "When is this baby coming?" As if I have already chosen his or her birthdate! Isn't that kind of the whole point of natural childbirth, the fact that you DON'T KNOW when the baby is coming?!

I feel like I should just wear a huge nametag everywhere I go, that says something like "HI MY NAME IS... Due December 24th." It would eliminate a lot of repetitive Q&A.

I will write again after my doctor's appointment on Tuesday afternoon.

Have a good weekend :)

37 week belly pictures.

Here is me at 37 weeks pregnant:






And here is Hannah!



My mom laughed SO HARD when she saw these pictures!!!



Everything is going well at our house.
One more week until Mike and I are both on maternity/paternity leave... we're just counting down the days! Still need to rearrange some furniture - well, *I* wont be moving any furniture, that's Mike's job, and I will supervise. But for the most part, we are all ready for New Baby to come!

37 week appointment, December plans.

TUESDAY: Boring doctor's appointment. Hannah was with me, and got to hear Baby's heartbeat again. About 150 bpm. I thought it was cool, but she wasn't so impressed.
Haven't gained any weight since last week, so Im still at the grand total of 32 lbs. My bp was perfect: 120/62! Urine clear, no signs of pre-eclampsia. Awesome.
I had to make weekly appointments for the next three weeks. So I get to go back every Tuesday aftrnoon until the baby is born. I'm actually hoping that I wont quite make it to Christmas Eve. I'd love to have this baby BEFORE Christmas.... but we'll see. It's not up to me.

Great news: My last day of babysitting is Dec 11, and Mike's last day of work is December 12th! He had already requested to be off for the last 2 weeks in December, before we knew I was pregnant, because it was going to be our annual Christmas trek up and down the east coast. But now he will have almost SIX WEEKS OFF to spend at home with us when the baby is born! I think it will really help us get adjusted and bond as a family - and I think it will make everything easier on Hannah, too. It will be like a really long vacation.... where we don't actually go anywhere. Haha.
Well, we might be brave and go to my SIL's baby shower in Pittsburgh at the end of January, and let everyone meet New Baby - we'll see.

My in-laws are planning to visit us the first week that Mike is off and my mom will probably be with us the week of Christmas. She REALLY wants to be here with us when the baby is born - which is fine with me!


Today, Wednesday: Babysitting for 3 hours this afternoon. Bible Study tonight at church. Mike is working the night shift this week, so we have to be quiet around the house to let him sleep during the day.
This morning I let Hannah do some crafts and drawings, and wrap the grandparents' Christmas gifts, and now I'm running out of ideas of things to do before lunchtime! Maybe I will be brave and let her play outside for awhile. I'm lazy, I just hate going outside when it feels so cold!

SEE YOU LATER...

silly pictures

Got some funny pictures of us on Thanksgiving Day.
First, here's Hannah and I, crashed out on the couch after our big meal:




Then there's Hannah the ballerina princess:



Hannah's new shoes:
We bought them this weekend and she cries whenever I make her take them off!


New PJS from Nana:

I know its mean, to flash a camera in front of her face right after she's just fallen asleep - but I couldnt help it, she was just so cute!

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In pregnancy news: Nothing new to report. I am still eating every hour or two, and visiting the bathroom even more often than that. Cramping every night, but nothing special. This baby is going to stay nice and warm in my tummy for a little while longer.

At our Thanksgiving service last week, during our time of sharing, I announced to everyone that I was thankful to be 36 weeks pregnant. Now, Im sort of sorry that I said it, because EVERYONE was asking me at church this morning: "when is your baby coming? How much longer do you have?". As if I have a choice, and I've conveniently planned the birthdate! When you have to answer the same question over and over and over again, it's not so much fun.

Seriously, I feel so very blessed that this baby and I are so HEALTHY! With my first pregnancy, I had severe pre-eclampsia, edema, was bloated like a hot-air balloon, dizziness, double vision - not good. Then there was the horrible nightmare of 2007.... and now, this Miracle Baby. This pregnancy has been so sweet and easy! And I'm not even tired of it yet! :) It really is amazing. I am so thankful for our blessings.

36 weeks. One month to go....

Im 36 weeks today, and I am so, so very thankful that everything is still going well. No signs of pre-eclampsia! Am I really having a healthy baby? I can barely believe it.

Completely uneventfull appointment this afternoon. All the regular stuff: Peed in a cup, got weighed, checked bp, everything is fine. Baby's hr was 148bpm. I've gained 32 pounds altogether - not bad. Im hoping to stay around 35 lbs. (When pregnant with Hannah, I gained almost 50, so Im pretty proud of myself!) Midwife said that baby is definitely head-down, but NOT engaged or dropped yet. Decided not to do a vaginal exam - she said it is not standard procedure, and she didnt want to mess with my cervix yet if it wasnt absolutely medically necessary.

Anyways, thanks to everyone who has been thinking of me lately! :)

Hannah hasn't had an accidents today - which is a huge step in the right direction. Last week she peed on the couch twice. I don't know what the regression is all about, but it's been supremely frustrating.
I don't know if I've just been extra moody and sensitive lately, or if Hannah has learned to press all my buttons simultaneously, but it seems that by 11am, she has gotten on every single one of my last nerves! I love her natural curiousity, but listening to her ask "WHY" 87 times in a row just really wears me down. The whining and disbedience make me want to throw things!!!
This is one of the weeks when we dont get much, if any, free time with Mike, so it also doesn't help that Im on kid-duty 24/7 for two weeks straight.
I left her at home with Mike for an hour, so that I could go to the doctor's office by myself (its justso much simpler that way), and she screamed and cried for 45 minutes, because "Mommy left me." I'm coming right back! Give me a break!!!

Ugh, maybe it's just one of those days.

Now I'm feeling lousy about all my food choices because Ive gained 8 lbs this month. It's not like I can help it, but now Im going to start second-guessing myself everytime I get a craving for french fries or ice cream or crackers.

Why can't life be simple?

Semi-professional photos

Ok, Im being brave and posting a few of my 35-week pregnancy pictures, taken by a local photography student.


She did a good job - but WARNING - don't look if you are afraid of stretch marks, huge bellies, or naked bodies in general.


Don't worry though, all of the essential parts are covered....

35 weeks.

I am 35 weeks pregnant today. The "nesting bug" is starting to get to me - and Mike too. We spent all morning cleaning the house, vaccuming, washing laundry and dishes, sorting stuff and putting unneeded things in the attic - and then Mike put together the crib! He's out right now, buying newborn-sized diapers and pacifiers, and laundry soap, and a few other things we will need as soon as Baby is born. He wants to make sure that we'll have everything we could possibly need (although Im sure I'll be sending him to the store a lot those first couple weeks, anyway).
It's just funny - I feel like he is more nervous about all this than I am! He acts like he's still in shock, that this is really going to happen. He watches my belly grow, touches it, talks to it, and still stares in wonder and disbelief, like it's a mirage or something.

It's cute and really sweet, the way Hannah has been getting more excited about the new baby's arrival. Over the weekend, we got a new stroller/carseat set, and she wanted to put it together the minute we got it in the door! She's been putting her baby dolls into all the baby gear (bouncy seat, carseat, stroller, crib, ect), but I have to explain to her that these are things for Real Babies, not pretend ones. She has miniature sized cribs, bouncy seats, strollers and baby carriers for her baby dolls, but I guess it's more fun to use the real stuff.

Hannah has been having regressive potty issues lately. I don't know what the problem is. It's like she doesn't want to stop playing long enough to use the bathroom. Ever since that day when she deliberately peed in her bed in the middle of the afternoon, it has only gotten worse since then. It's so incredibly frustrating!!! We've tried time-outs, taking away priveledges, even spanking her if she does it 3 times in a row. I don't know why we aren't getting through to her! Any good ideas?

In other news:
Mike took Part 1 of his National Paramedic Exam on Saturday, and passed. Im proud of him! He said only about 10% of people pass on the first try, so he is really pleased about it. Part 2 will be scheduled very soon. After completing that, he will be able to work anywhere in the country.

I got some pregnancy pictures taken today, by a photography student (which means they are free!). I think they turned out pretty nice. She will email me the edited versions later this week, and then I can share them with everyone. Stretch marks and all.

Happy Monday!

Mike hurt. Weird baby movements.

Mike went to work this morning, and pulled a muscle in his back/shoulder area. He had to come home after a couple hours because it hurt oto much to move. I had to drive him! I tried to massage his back so he could rest, but I'm afraid I didn't help much. He got some muscle relaxers and pain meds at the doctors, but he'll be laying around the house doing nothing for a few days.

Mike's national paramedic exam is on Saturday morning, and most of it is skills testing - I hope he's much better by then!

---

Baby didnt move much at all yesterday... until about 7pm. And after that, Baby moved around as much as ever. Maybe it was just because I'd been on my feet all day? I don't know. This morning after breakfast, s/he was really active, and again after dinner. So I'm trying not to worry about it. Still, it's taking longer than usual to complete my ten kick counts. And I've been having a lot of cramping as well.

Tonight as I was eating dinner around 6pm, I felt a contraction. It only lasted for maybe 10-15 seconds, and it wasn't painful - but it was definitely there. A few mins later, Baby was moving around like crazy again.
Im not ready to call the doctor yet, I'm not THAT worried.... it's just, it's odd. It feels so different. Much different than my first pregnancy.
Mike and I have both been having dreams about me going into labor any day now.
O know that Baby is head down, dropped, and ready to go! I keep wondering if I am already dialated, but I'm too scared (and clueless) to check myself.

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More busyness tomorrow.
Have a good weekend! :)