All different places

Now that our big girl is at school Monday through Friday, and we don't have any foster placements, I only have 2 kids learning at home with me. It is a very different pace than last year, or even 4 months ago. It has slowed down so much since last fall, when we carted an infant around with us all the time, everywhere.

Yes, I have one child in a public school. But I am still a SAHM, I am still homeschooling the younger ones, and I still teach group homeschool classes on Tuesdays. I feel like I have a toe in many different pools. but that I am not truly connected with any one party or specific group.

I've always kind of been like that, I guess. Social butterfly, friend to all.

I want to say that I thought I would feel guilt or pressure when I chose to put my child into a public school. I had a few other people, mostly other homeschooling families, question this choice, and I was a little apprehensive about how the transition would go for my child. However, none of my fears became reality. Now that the responsibility for her education is on others, and I am not her primary teacher every day, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. And because she loves school, and genuinely enjoys learning, there is no mommy guilt (though I really thought there would be). Win-win!

As for being in all different places: it's true. I've driven over 10,000 miles in my van since we got it in April. Oops. (That mileage doesn't include the days we've used one of my husband's vehicles to get around.)

One of my favorite bloggers is doing a huge Mother's Day giveaway! Anyone can enter, just click here: http://www.holyspiritledhomeschooling.net/2013/05/happy-birth-day-mama-mothers-day-giveaway/

In other news, homeschooling is going exceptionally well this week. I think we're realizing that we're in the home stretch - just two moreweeks to go with our curriculum before we break for the summer!

Tomorrow we'll be touring a local elementary school. I registered H. for 3rd grade there, but now I'm having serious doubts about sending her away to school. If you think of it, can you please pray that Mike and I can have wisdom and discernment about this? It's been weighing heavy on my heart lately.

Every weekday morning, around 8am, I watch and wave to Hannah as she rides away on the big yellow school bus. And each time I do, a special piece of my heart breaks all over again. I am not sad that she is growing up, becoming more mature and confident, or learning new things. I appreciate those changes. It is because she is doing it away from me, our home, our family... during the week, she spends about five times more time sitting in school as she does playing at home.

I wish with all my heart that I could homeschool her. She would learn things much more quickly. She could have many many more hours with her parents, siblings and friends. We would have so many more opportunities for field trips and fun days and playtime and family time.

Last summer I was struggling with the decision to put her in public school. It hasn't been the ideal educational experience, but I know she has changed and grown a lot. I love seeing that she is more confident, less shy, more sure of herself. Now that we are moving next month, I have to decide on the best school for her in Orange County. The options are limited.

Last week I toured our new neighborhood's public school. The building itself was pretty nice, but the school receptionist couldn't tell me a lot of specifics about the student body, the way a typical student's day goes, the school's philosophy of learning. She basically just gave me a tour of the physical building, and vaguely answered some (not all) of my questions. It's kind of like taking a tour of a church building. You can look at bricks, mortar, and stained glass windows all day long, but it won't help you learn about the community of people, the atmosphere of worship, the ways God is working in their lives, or the reasoning behind why they do what they do.

All that being said, I am saddened at the prospect of continuing to send Hannah away for her education. I've always thought that learning should begin at home - why not just keep it there? My husband doesn't see it this way. He thinks homeschool is more trouble than it's worth, that it would be too much of an extra burden for me with three, possibly four children at home. I am not nagging or continuing to argue with him. Instead, I am coming up with a plan of action to convince him that we should give it another trial run later this summer. I am still formulating my plan, and everyday I pray that God will give me wisdom and clarity about this decision. If I'm not meant to homeschool at this time, I will honor that, but I want it to be made clear to us.

Yesterday when Mike checked the mail, he found two magazines for me. One was a parenting magazine, the other was a homeschooling catalog. He brought it inside and excitedly said "You should take a look at this homeschool catalog. I bet you could get last year's books on sale really cheap!" I was amazed: was he suggesting what I thought he might be suggesting?! A little seed-thought was planted in my mind: What if I should home-school next year?
I had dropped the idea for awhile because he seemed so totally against it. But now I am tempted to give him an ultimatum, and suggest that if Hannah does not get accepted into any of the magnet or charter schools we've applied to, then maybe it means that God wants her to learn from home next year (along with the younger kids, of course).

I continue to be awed by the way God has calmed all my fears and worries on the subject of education. I am completely confident that He will lead us in the direction that he wants our family to go, whether it is public school, homeschool, or something else. Last year at this time I was so torn and distraught about all the different schooling options out there. But now I'm completely at peace and not losing any sleep about it at all. It makes a huge difference when you trust in God, and not yourself.

Praying for Hannah

Today I am praying for Hannah. She is not happy right now. We thought that sending her to public school for first grade would help her social skills, bring her out of her shy little shell, help her learn from someone other than her mother. And it has.... but at a cost. She has a nasty attitude about everything. She fights and argues with me every chance she gets. She's overly tired and cranky. She puts on her best face at school, then comes home and acts horribly disobedient, defiant, and downright disrespectful. My sweet sweet girl morphs into a Jekyll/Hyde monster.

It breaks my heart to see her this way. I met with her teacher on Friday to talk about her behavior, and Mrs R was genuinely shocked (as in, mouth-hanging-open shocked) to hear how Hannah's been acting at home. She doesn't display any negative behavior at school. We talked about challenging her a little more during class and engaging her with more hands-on activities. All of that is fine and good, and Mrs R is very willing to work with us. She wants the best for Hannah too. But to sum it up, the current school environment is not ideal. Nevertheless I feel that God is telling me to "wait" and "be patient." If you know me, you know I am NOT a patient person. We'll wait and see for another month. I am also considering a different local school, some charter schools, and homeschooling. This whole school decision is weighing heavily on me. I've been praying about it quite often and still don't know the right thing to do.

Life can be exhausting. Thank you God for sustaining me through the tiring times.

Playing catch-up

I have to apologize for not updating more often. I feel like I should apologize most of all to my children, because I have truly been awful at documenting their young lives. I guess our thousands and thousands of pictures will have to serve as Noah's baby book. The grandparents would be appalled to see that it is nearly blank after month two.

Hannah just got her very first report card and is excelling in 1st grade. No surprise there, since she'd already learned almost half of it beforehand through homeschooling. I am continuing to question how and where she can learn best. If it were up to me, I'd probably pull her out of public school in December (but Mike won't go for that idea). I think it would be really neat to simultaneously teach all of our kids... in the future, that is. Although, Aliah is almost ready for some basic lessons. She recognizes colors and shapes, can almost count to 20, and tries to spell her name, which goes something like this: "A-L-H. A-I-L-H. L-A-H." She really does try! She's had a bizarre rash/skin infection lately, that we've been treating without any change. Another trip to the ped on Friday. Thank You Jesus for health insurance, or else we'd be bankrupt!

Noah just hit ten months old and is the happiest baby in the house. He started to crawl towards the end of September and he is now confidently cruising around tables/chairs and other furniture. He can easily walk behind a toy and push it across the room. He had a doctor's visit last week and gained 2 lbs over the last month (take THAT, growth chart!), so he's about 20 lbs. I was secretly terrified that he had RSV, but it turned out to be croup instead. After 5 days of sleeping with a humidifier he is doing much better, but still has a lingering cough. I love this little guy so much! He is always so joyful. Noah, it is amazing that God has given you to us.

I am doing pretty well. Just trying to keep juggling all the chores and responsibilities. Our church is doing some neat things, like ChurchAtTheBallpark.com. Our pastor is a great teacher. He's really been convicting me of my sin these days. I started attending a new small group/Bible study that I really like. And I'll start babysitting again very soon. The kids always keep me busy. But I love my mommy friends, especially my MOPS girls! They help me to put things into perspective.

Mike and I haven't been sleeping very well this last month. We are saving up money to buy a new bed. He's having a lot of back pain and often wakes up at 3am and can't go back to sleep. It's affecting him all over: at work, at home, with moods, diet and exercise. He has no energy or patience (but plenty of patients ::sarcastic laugh::). We've both gained some weight in the last couple months... but it is hard change.

Maybe next time I'll share some pictures. Goodnight!