I want to share another woman's words with you today, because they really spoke to my heart.
"No Greater Joy" is a blog that I follow. Here is an excerpt:
"...it's just as well God only reveals today to us--one tiny second at a
time. We're not meant to know tomorrow. We're not meant to understand
next week. When we place our lives at His feet and surrender all into
the Potter's faithful hands, tomorrow is HIS concern, not ours.
...If there's one thing that I have learned as God has gently led us down
such an uncertain road over the past year, it's to be ready to say "yes"
when He calls our name. In season, and out of season too. Be ready to
say yes when we feel like we have life all figured out and all of our
sweet ducks in a row. Be ready to say yes when we feel so content with
the way life currently is and we don't want it any other way. Be ready
to say yes when all things are wonderful and we cannot imagine life any
more beautiful.
And be ready to say yes when we cannot see our way out of the thickest forest...but we know that He is near. Because a simple yes spoken in obedience is worth so much more than any earthly wealth or great gain."
You can read the full message here: http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2014/08/the-testing-of-our-faith.html
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Monday, August 4, 2014
Looking for the wrong thing
Some nights, when I can't sleep, I scroll through the photo-listings and profiles of foster children on www.adoptuskids.org
These are children waiting, searching, and hoping for a forever family. The kind of family that won't give them up again, make them move away again, or say goodbye again.
I look at the pictures of these orphaned, outcast children and pray for them. I pray that they will be safe and loved. I put our family's parameters into the search engine (less than 9 years old, no more than 2 siblings) and consider each of the little faces on the list. Could we care for her, or him, or those two? Would they get along well with our other kids? Could we be a family?
Tonight, I realized that I am looking for the wrong thing.
When we completed our home study and foster parenting paperwork, we were asked what kind of child/ren we would like to be placed with us. We were asked about our expectations. Frankly, I didn't have many. "What do you think a foster child placed with you will look like?" I think I wrote down "big eyes, big smile, multiracial." We were willing to accept anyone younger than our oldest child. Special needs would be considered on a case-by-case basis, depending on what we felt we were equipped to handle. We didn't talk much about specifics, Mike and I, because there weren't any. How can you prepare your heart and mind for a fictitious little person who may or may not be coming to live with you for an indefinite period of time?!
But in my heart, I did (and still do!) have expectations. I expect a child to "fit in" with the rest of the children we already have. Not necessarily by birth order, more like with their temperament or energy level. If I have one child who requires 150% of my patience, then I won't have any patience left to share with the rest. So when I read words in profiles like "would benefit from being the only child in the home", I have to rule them out. They would not be a good match for us.
Sometimes children have severe mental, physical, or emotional needs. While these children certainly deserve a family, we do not feel called to take on a severely handicapped child. Someone who would require 24-hour nursing care would also not be a good fit for our family.
Yet, my expectations go a little farther. All of my biological kids names end in the same letter. If we ended up falling in love with a child whose name was completely different, would they feel left out? Would they want to change their name? Would we? I know the name thing might sound trite, but it is something that I consider.
A few years ago, I had a dream about a child that we would adopt in the future.
In my dream, I got a glimpse of the child's face.
The name of the child sounded like "Isaiah."
Ever sine then, I have been looking for an Isaiah.
Over the years, several Isaiahs (they all seem to have different spellings, different baggage, and different cultural or ethnic backgrounds) have come up on the website. After a few months or maybe a year, they will disappear from the database. Which is good for them - it means they are no longer available for adoption. They have found their Forever Family. And that is the ultimate goal for these children.
But, it also means that they are not available to be part of OUR family.
So every time one of them disappears, I feel a little bit sad inside, because it wasn't meant to be for us. Because we are still waiting... and so is a child out there.
So... Why am I looking for the wrong thing?
Well, this is what I realized tonight: I am not going to find the "Isaiah" of my dreams on a website. I can look at those photos all day and night, but it won't help me find the child who is meant to be ours. Do you know why? Because, as foster parents, Mike and I signed up to be available to children in our own state, in our county of residence. We are not going to find our future child halfway across the world, or even across the country. Others do, but we won't. The child for us will probably not be listed on one of those Heart Galleries or "Tuesday's Child" adoption awareness news clips they have out there. It will be less public, more slow-moving. Not nearly so dramatic, I don't think. We feel strongly that the little person(s) who will grow to call us Mom and Dad is (are) right here, in our local area. In our county. In our neck of the woods. In our backyard, so to speak.
I'm not saying that the right child for us is just going to show up at our house one day... but then again, who is to say that they won't?! We don't know. Those social services "people movers" could come knocking on our door any day now... or any night.
What I am really trying to say, what I have also realized tonight, again, is that I need to throw away my own selfish ambitions, my own goals, ideals, and expectations, and do whatever it is that God asks me to do. Whether that means learning more patience, or practicing still more patience, I need to do it. Cheerfully, obediently. With a loving heart.
This over-arcing theme of surrender has repeated itself to me many times over the past year.
I need to continue to pray, open-armed, empty-handed, heart wide open,
that He will lead me - and I will follow Him.
These are children waiting, searching, and hoping for a forever family. The kind of family that won't give them up again, make them move away again, or say goodbye again.
I look at the pictures of these orphaned, outcast children and pray for them. I pray that they will be safe and loved. I put our family's parameters into the search engine (less than 9 years old, no more than 2 siblings) and consider each of the little faces on the list. Could we care for her, or him, or those two? Would they get along well with our other kids? Could we be a family?
Tonight, I realized that I am looking for the wrong thing.
When we completed our home study and foster parenting paperwork, we were asked what kind of child/ren we would like to be placed with us. We were asked about our expectations. Frankly, I didn't have many. "What do you think a foster child placed with you will look like?" I think I wrote down "big eyes, big smile, multiracial." We were willing to accept anyone younger than our oldest child. Special needs would be considered on a case-by-case basis, depending on what we felt we were equipped to handle. We didn't talk much about specifics, Mike and I, because there weren't any. How can you prepare your heart and mind for a fictitious little person who may or may not be coming to live with you for an indefinite period of time?!
But in my heart, I did (and still do!) have expectations. I expect a child to "fit in" with the rest of the children we already have. Not necessarily by birth order, more like with their temperament or energy level. If I have one child who requires 150% of my patience, then I won't have any patience left to share with the rest. So when I read words in profiles like "would benefit from being the only child in the home", I have to rule them out. They would not be a good match for us.
Sometimes children have severe mental, physical, or emotional needs. While these children certainly deserve a family, we do not feel called to take on a severely handicapped child. Someone who would require 24-hour nursing care would also not be a good fit for our family.
Yet, my expectations go a little farther. All of my biological kids names end in the same letter. If we ended up falling in love with a child whose name was completely different, would they feel left out? Would they want to change their name? Would we? I know the name thing might sound trite, but it is something that I consider.
A few years ago, I had a dream about a child that we would adopt in the future.
In my dream, I got a glimpse of the child's face.
The name of the child sounded like "Isaiah."
Ever sine then, I have been looking for an Isaiah.
Over the years, several Isaiahs (they all seem to have different spellings, different baggage, and different cultural or ethnic backgrounds) have come up on the website. After a few months or maybe a year, they will disappear from the database. Which is good for them - it means they are no longer available for adoption. They have found their Forever Family. And that is the ultimate goal for these children.
But, it also means that they are not available to be part of OUR family.
So every time one of them disappears, I feel a little bit sad inside, because it wasn't meant to be for us. Because we are still waiting... and so is a child out there.
So... Why am I looking for the wrong thing?
Well, this is what I realized tonight: I am not going to find the "Isaiah" of my dreams on a website. I can look at those photos all day and night, but it won't help me find the child who is meant to be ours. Do you know why? Because, as foster parents, Mike and I signed up to be available to children in our own state, in our county of residence. We are not going to find our future child halfway across the world, or even across the country. Others do, but we won't. The child for us will probably not be listed on one of those Heart Galleries or "Tuesday's Child" adoption awareness news clips they have out there. It will be less public, more slow-moving. Not nearly so dramatic, I don't think. We feel strongly that the little person(s) who will grow to call us Mom and Dad is (are) right here, in our local area. In our county. In our neck of the woods. In our backyard, so to speak.
I'm not saying that the right child for us is just going to show up at our house one day... but then again, who is to say that they won't?! We don't know. Those social services "people movers" could come knocking on our door any day now... or any night.
What I am really trying to say, what I have also realized tonight, again, is that I need to throw away my own selfish ambitions, my own goals, ideals, and expectations, and do whatever it is that God asks me to do. Whether that means learning more patience, or practicing still more patience, I need to do it. Cheerfully, obediently. With a loving heart.
This over-arcing theme of surrender has repeated itself to me many times over the past year.
I need to continue to pray, open-armed, empty-handed, heart wide open,
that He will lead me - and I will follow Him.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Back and forth
I can't sleep! We have so many things happening this week...
I am a big huge ball of nervous anticipation, excitement, and dread.
I really don't know what to do with myself.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day rearranging furniture, washing and folding laundry, and cleaning out closets. I was so preoccupied that I forgot to make dinner!
I don't know how this will all play out and I don't have a lot of details to share, so for now I have to stay quiet and just internalize everything (or talk it over with Mike. And I certainly am grateful that we've been able to do that this weekend). I am NOT a patient person by any means, so this "wait-and-see" approach is definitely NOT my favorite way of doing things. However, when working with the foster care system, we do a lot of waiting and seeing. Therefore, I must wait. And maybe, during the process, I will develop a teensy bit more patience.
Hoping I can calm down and get some sleep soon.
I am a big huge ball of nervous anticipation, excitement, and dread.
I really don't know what to do with myself.
Yesterday, I spent most of the day rearranging furniture, washing and folding laundry, and cleaning out closets. I was so preoccupied that I forgot to make dinner!
I don't know how this will all play out and I don't have a lot of details to share, so for now I have to stay quiet and just internalize everything (or talk it over with Mike. And I certainly am grateful that we've been able to do that this weekend). I am NOT a patient person by any means, so this "wait-and-see" approach is definitely NOT my favorite way of doing things. However, when working with the foster care system, we do a lot of waiting and seeing. Therefore, I must wait. And maybe, during the process, I will develop a teensy bit more patience.
Hoping I can calm down and get some sleep soon.
Friday, August 1, 2014
"Wait No More"
If you've ever wondered what it's like to be a foster parent, or if you've ever considered domestic adoption, and you live in North Carolina, like I do... there is a great opportunity for you coming up in a few weeks.
On Saturday, September 20th, 2014, Focus on the Family and NC Dept. of Health and Human Service (DHHS) are teaming up for a FREE event in Charlotte, NC.
"Right now, more than 100,000 legal orphans in United States foster care are waiting for adoptive families."
"So... why are these kids still waiting?"
"We believe that every child has the right to a family."
That is the heart of the "Wait No More" campaign.
For more information, please visit http://icareaboutorphans.org/north-carolina/
If you are not in NC, there are other events going on across the country. See if your state is participating at http://icareaboutorphans.org/whatwedo/waitnomore/
On Saturday, September 20th, 2014, Focus on the Family and NC Dept. of Health and Human Service (DHHS) are teaming up for a FREE event in Charlotte, NC.
"Right now, more than 100,000 legal orphans in United States foster care are waiting for adoptive families."
"So... why are these kids still waiting?"
"We believe that every child has the right to a family."
That is the heart of the "Wait No More" campaign.
For more information, please visit http://icareaboutorphans.org/north-carolina/
If you are not in NC, there are other events going on across the country. See if your state is participating at http://icareaboutorphans.org/whatwedo/waitnomore/
Friday, June 27, 2014
I want proof!
Yesterday we had another worker visit us in conjunction with the foster baby. They talked with each family member, and asked normal questions about the child's growth and development.
They also continue to ask, at each visit: "Would you adopt if you could?"
We've made it perfectly clear that we'd be very happy to adopt the child, if possible.
Why can't we just leave it at that?
We all cherish this child and act like they are part of the family. I think it just bothers the stuffings out of me that they are insinuating that this child will be "ours", when there are living relatives around, and that adoption is clearly not happening anytime in the near future.
I am really trying not to get my hopes up about adoption in this case because the birth family is such a wildcard... and I know that the whole legal process can take a long, long time. It just bothers me that they keep dangling the possibility of adoption when no permanency plan has been established yet.
I am preparing myself, my heart, and the minds of my other children for a long wait, and I'm trying my best to be patient in this situation. But when they throw around words like adoption, and continue to bring up concepts such as permanency planning, terminating parental rights, etc.... It kind of bothers me. You know why? It bothers me because there is no certainty. I think that's the heart of it. I want proof! I don't want a carrot dangling in front of us. I want something concrete. Something that says this little one can stay with us. Forever, if possible. (My girls vote for "forever" too.) I don't want to voice the possibility of adoption if it will end in disruption or failure, especially if the biological family reunifies.
But that's just the thing.... Being a foster parent is anything BUT certain or concrete or permanent. I can't get answers, because really, at this point there are none. So again, God must teach me to be patient and wait. Why did I sign up for this again?! Oh, right, to help children.... so that's what I'm doing. Trying to live life in the moments, one day, one hour at time, and cherish every single one of them.
Thanks for listening to my little rant.
Goodnight.
They also continue to ask, at each visit: "Would you adopt if you could?"
We've made it perfectly clear that we'd be very happy to adopt the child, if possible.
Why can't we just leave it at that?
We all cherish this child and act like they are part of the family. I think it just bothers the stuffings out of me that they are insinuating that this child will be "ours", when there are living relatives around, and that adoption is clearly not happening anytime in the near future.
I am really trying not to get my hopes up about adoption in this case because the birth family is such a wildcard... and I know that the whole legal process can take a long, long time. It just bothers me that they keep dangling the possibility of adoption when no permanency plan has been established yet.
I am preparing myself, my heart, and the minds of my other children for a long wait, and I'm trying my best to be patient in this situation. But when they throw around words like adoption, and continue to bring up concepts such as permanency planning, terminating parental rights, etc.... It kind of bothers me. You know why? It bothers me because there is no certainty. I think that's the heart of it. I want proof! I don't want a carrot dangling in front of us. I want something concrete. Something that says this little one can stay with us. Forever, if possible. (My girls vote for "forever" too.) I don't want to voice the possibility of adoption if it will end in disruption or failure, especially if the biological family reunifies.
But that's just the thing.... Being a foster parent is anything BUT certain or concrete or permanent. I can't get answers, because really, at this point there are none. So again, God must teach me to be patient and wait. Why did I sign up for this again?! Oh, right, to help children.... so that's what I'm doing. Trying to live life in the moments, one day, one hour at time, and cherish every single one of them.
Thanks for listening to my little rant.
Goodnight.
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